I just watched a webinar last night from Divorce Care about their one session video called “Surviving the Holidays.”
If you are a Divorce Care Leader this would be a great way to get people interested in Divorce Care and to provide some really useful help at a very painful time of year.
If you are separated or divorced and see this being offered at a church or organization attending would be a great way to become familiar with Divorce Care and get some new hope for the holiday season.
Here are some more videos by Michelle Weiner-Davis of Divorce Busting about saving your marriage and an offer to get more of her teaching on DVD.
http://divorcebusting.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/save-your-marriage-with-the-marriage-breakthrough/
Well, in the past few weeks we have gotten our kids off to college so we are now empty-nesters.
Weather has been good so we have been starting fall field work.
One of the things I ponder is why some people who are in desperate marital situations and say they want help seem so unwilling to really grab hold of suggestions I make on how to help their marriages. Thankfully there are others who take what I suggest, adapt it to their situation and enthusiastically try new things. I guess it goes back to Jesus’ parable of the four soils. I know I wasn’t always quick enough to make changes and try new things when we were separated.
I went to a wedding last Saturday. You know you are getting older when you knew the parents before their kids were born and now they’re getting married (the kids, not the parents!). One of the pastors officiating the marriage encouraged the couple to remember three things so they would have the potential for a great marriage.
1. Every morning start out by focusing first on your relationship with Jesus.
2. Every day strive to out serve your spouse.
3. Don’t take offense with your spouse.
In a chat with the pastor afterward I understood him to say that when a problem arises with your spouse to address it then, don’t hold a grudge.
Three simple things as part of a great marriage. Also, three simple ways to possibly heal a marriage if you begin to do them.
Saw this interview by Julie Baumgardner with author Mae Chambers and marriage counselor Dr. David Banks.
In my opinion a primary key to a long lasting marriage – maybe even THE key – is commitment. Commitment to God first and then to each other. Commitment can overcome differences in personality, religious views, sexual desires, intelligence, health, and a host of other things.
Sometimes it takes the commitment of one spouse and the help of God to hold on for a better day. When we stay committed, we emulate Jesus, who promised to never leave us or forsake us.
One of my favorite examples of commitment was an older lady in our church. For years her husband had struggled with gambling, women, etc. She said something like “I decided the house and bedroom were half mine, and I was not leaving my bed.” Later in life her husband came to Christ. I believe they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary before he died.
One of the newer resources I’ve found that highly impresses me is “Before ‘I Do'” written by K. Jason Krafsky from http://www.fullmarriageexperience.com/
This is a multi-week study for people who are getting married. What I really liked is that there are a lot of Scriptures presented in a way that even non-Christians might not be turned off. The study is designed to get couples talking to each other rather than just listening to a speech and going home.
One point that Jason emphasizes is that the current generation learned differently than most of us Boomers did and he has designed the study with that in mind.
This is a study that would also be helpful in a reconciliation situation when a couple wants to get a fresh start.
I just returned from the AMFM (Association of Marriage and Family Ministries) conference in Phoenix, Arizona. I had a chance to sit in workshops by several of the members of the Reconciling Troubled Marriages Focus Group. This is a brief review of some of those ministries.
Joe and Michelle Williams have the ministry of Marriage 911 Online. Their story is that they each had divorces in their past before their own marriage together and then went through three separations as Christians themselves. They learned that a key to reconciling is for each party to focus on God. They have a workbook (Marriage 911) that can be purchased to help a person on the journey to grow closer to God as well as a workbook for the support partner. They have also written a book called Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved. In some communities, there are support groups available using their principles and resources.
Clint and Penny Bragg have Inverse Ministries. They were married as the darlings in their church but within two years divorced for irreconcilable differences. Eleven years later, after each was seeking God, they reconnected even though living 3000 miles apart. God performed a miracle in reconciling their marriage. Even though they were thankful to be reconciled they found that really learning how to be married again took about five years. Their book, Marriage on the Mend, is partly their journey of healing and strengthening their remarriage, testimonies of other healed marriages, and suggestions on how to walk out reconciliation after divorce or separation.
Linda Rooks and her husband from Broken Heart On Hold were separated for three years. He left her. She wrote the book to encourage women to hang in there while they are separated and waiting for reconciliation. One thing that surprised her was how many men have found help from her book realized that after walking through a separation that I didn’t want and then reconciling, there was very little that she said that I hadn’t experienced myself.
Gary and Mona Shriver survived Gary’s infidelity. Their ministry is Hope & Healing Ministries. They shared some insights into what constitutes an emotional affair and how to recover from it. They mentioned that the pain from an emotional affair can be as bad or worse than from a physical affair.
Every one of these people were very authentic and compassionate. They have walked through the fire in marriage and by God’s grace have come out on the other side. Depending on your situation, I would recommend checking out their websites and even contacting them if you have further questions.
I hope you find many helpful resources on this website. If you are looking for even more I suggest that you do keyword searches at the library, on bookstore websites, on the web, and on YouTube.
Some keywords to try are marriage, divorce, separation, save my marriage, marriage help, divorce help, stop my divorce, adultery, etc. If you really want to narrow things in to your personal preference you can add keywords like Christian, or Jewish, etc. Caution – you have to use discernment. There is junk out there just like anything else, but you can still find a lot of good quality resources also. I found some of the resources listed on our website by doing such searches.
For various reasons we have switched from Blogger to Word Press. As you can see we have set up a website. I figure this is a good time to ask you for any input you might have about what you would like to see more or less of in the website or blog and what you find most helpful. We certainly appreciate you and sincerely hope that you have found help and hope here.
stubborn-pursuits.com 