No Fault Divorce Article (McManus)

This article by Mike McManus, co-founder of Marriage Savers, Inc., clearly makes a case for modifying our No-Fault Divorce Laws.

Read Reform No Fault Divorce here.

I do hope that over time our divorce laws can be reformed to encourage couples to hang onto their marriages and work things out. I am not sure where I saw it but there is a statistic that shows that of a group of unhappy marriages, after five years those that toughed it out in their marriage were happier in many ways than those who had given up and divorced.

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More Love Dare Journals

I just came across a site that has multiple journals from people doing “The Love Dare”

Check out Love Dare Journal.

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Your Feelings/Your Will

I was listening to Beth Moore yesterday when she was discussing “doing the right thing”. She had a very short statement that impressed me – “When you don’t feel, you will.”

What I took her to mean is that sometimes we don’t feel like doing the right thing, but in those times we chose with our will to do the right thing anyway. Good idea to keep in mind in marriage, especially in a struggling one. I’ve also heard it another way – that if we do the right thing, i.e. obey God, our feelings will follow.

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Joy of Simple Things

Yesterday my wife had an hour meeting about a half hour drive away. I just went with her and chatted on our drive. While she was at her meeting I went to the nearby Barnes and Noble. Then we chatted some on our drive home. Early in dating, it was nice just to be together, even without doing anything special; this helps bring back those good feelings. Don’t forget to enjoy the simple things in life and in marriage – it can make a difference.
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Fireproof at Redbox

I just noticed that Fireproof was available at my local Redbox. If you are not familiar with Redbox it is DVD’s in a vending machine that cost $1 per night to rent. They are often in groceries, Walmarts, or McDonald’s. Go to Redbox to find one near you.
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Fireproof Extras

We got our DVD of Fireproof. There are lots of interesting extra features on the DVD that will help you get a better understanding of what went on behind the scenes. My wife and I watched it again the other night, and even though it is my third time, I was still touched and inspired to continue to grow our marriage.
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Pandora for Worship Music

Many times when I listen to worship music it helps my mood improve. I get bored with what I have in iTunes or my CD’s, so I get on http://www.pandora.com/. On Pandora you can pick a genre of music such as Contemporary Christian and it will automatically select songs for you. I believe you can also chose a favorite artist.

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Four Soils Parable

In Matthew 13 Jesus gives the parable of the four soils in reference to people coming to Christ.

It appears to me that the concept can also be applied to couples’ attitudes towards reconciling with their spouse.

As anyone who reads much of this blog probably realizes, I get discouraged that more couples don’t grab hold of all the help that is available to turn their marriages around.

I keep trying to refine my message and say it more effectively, but I am also coming to grips with the fact of life that many just won’t hear and persist, but I need to be thankful for the ones who do.

Jesus talked about the seed sown along the path that the devil just snatches away before it takes root. These are the spouses who are already in an affair or who have just mutually given up on their marriages.

He mentioned the seed sown along the path, that people receive the gospel with joy but their enthusiasm lasts only a short time until persecution comes. These are the spouses who hear our testimony of reconciliation, and say “Yeah, I want that for my marriage” but when we suggest resources they don’t get around to really studying them or putting them into practice, and at the first setback with their spouse, they file for dissolution.

Jesus mentioned the seed that fell among the thorns that the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choked out. These are the spouses who say “Yeah, I want to save my marriage” but are going so fast that they can’t spend a few hours a year to go to a marriage seminar, or spend an hour a week with a marriage counselor.

Then there is the seed that fell on the good soil, that sprang up and produced 60 or 100 fold. These are the spouses that really give serious consideration to our suggestions and do some of them, or come up with their own creative ideas and resources. They reconcile, and then go on to help others. There are certainly challenges along the way, but working with people like this energizes me, and gives me hope to keep trying.

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Another Love Dare Resource

I just came across another journal by someone who did “The Love Dare”. See it here:

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=43992288538&h=qqdR_&u=axR5

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Testimonies

I just asked a friend, a former counselor, what he has found to be helpful in encouraging couples to hang on to their marriages. He responded “Testimonies of other restored marriages.” I remember back to our separation that testimonies were one of the main things that gave me hope.

Here are just a few testimonies I can quickly remember. Names have been changed, but I suspect most would be willing to testify of God’s work in their lives to help another couple.

  • Sue had an affair many years ago with Joe’s good friend. She eventually confessed it, he confessed his time with a prostitute on a business trip, and now they are one of the most loving older couples I know.
  • Dick had an affair. Carol eventually found out. I believe they continued to live together, worked through the issues, and now work in their community to reconcile marriages.
  • Dave had on more than one occasion engaged in domestic violence. Joy confronted him and threatened to leave. He got good counseling help; now they lead the marriage ministry in their church.
  • My own wife and I were separated 16 months. My wife promised to divorce me and hired an attorney. We went to a one-day seminar where we learned PAIRS – Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills – and now we are together and trained as marriage coaches and mentors.
  • Clint and Penny Bragg (their real names) were married, divorced, moved 3000 miles apart and didn’t even know where the other one was. God brought them back together after 11 years and now they are remarried and have a marriage ministry. See Inverse Ministries.

For even more testimonies, see Rejoice Ministries.

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