When a couple comes to me about their marriage being fractured, what I feel like saying is “I challenge both of you to watch the movie ‘Fireproof”, to get the book “The Love Dare”, and actually do The Love Dare for 40 days.

If there is something in The Love Dare, that you believe you just can’t do or won’t do, then journal and pray about it. I am willing to help you process it, but hopefully the majority of the days you can do without hesitation. If the two of you are not willing to spend a couple of hours watching the movie Fireproof and from 15 minutes to 30 minutes a day doing The Love Dare, then there is no need for us to spend time together. I would rather spend my time with someone who is really serious about their marriage. You also may as well both get good attack-dog lawyers and go ahead and dismantle your marriage.

And by the way, don’t come back whining to me when your kids are a mess, act out and need professional care, when your finances are a wreck and you are living below the poverty line, and when you find out your spouse is sleeping with someone else, or when you are in massive depression.”

Well, maybe I shouldn’t be quite this blunt, but someway I am trying to figure out how to word things to really wake people up and inspire them to go all out for saving their marriage.

I have been busy farming the past few weeks and haven’t had much energy for posting. I also have had some disappointing news regarding some marriages that I have been close to and that has zapped me some.

One thing I can say is that the more I study The Love Dare, and read Eric and Jennifer Garcia’s blog about it at 40daylovedare.blogspot.com, the more I am convinced that The Love Dare is excellent. If couples would take it seriously I believe their marriages could be transformed.

Also, when I read the message board at 40daylovedare.com, my heart just goes out to the overwhelming number of struggling marriages. I wish I was better at articulating help to give others hope.

I have been closely following Eric and Jennifer Garcia as they blog at www.40daylovedare.com. What I just spent some time reviewing was the message board at the same web site. Wow, so many comments. So many people in pain. If you are struggling and need some fellowship and encouragement this might be a place for you. Just click on the Message Board section.

Two different resources to check out if you are interested in doing The Love Dare. http://www.40daylovedare.com/ is by Eric and Jennifer Garcia, co-founders of the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM). They are very authentic when sharing their own experiences doing The Love Dare for each other and posting about it.

Also http://www.thelovedare.blogspot.com/ This is going to be a great resource for troubled marriages.

One thing that moved me when I watched the movie was when the husband really started to try to win his wife back and she just rejected everything he tried. I flashed back to our separation and there was a time when I felt like I was finally acknowledging problems, desperately trying to make changes and turn over a new leaf, but for awhile I did not feel that my efforts were accepted by my wife.

By God’s grace, I kept persevering and after while it didn’t matter so much if my wife didn’t jump up and down at my sincere efforts. Soon, though, she began to acknowledge that I was trying.

Sometimes I wonder if I need to warn people I am encouraging to stay in their marriages that they may go through a similar season and if they do, it is not the time to give up. It’s the time to dig in and persevere. Keep going just as Caleb did in the movie.

Order the book “The Love Dare” (www.lovedarebook.com) and do the Love Dare with your spouse. Give your marriage another 40 days before you give up.

I went to see Fireproof The Movie last night on it’s opening night. It touched me as deeply as it did the first time I saw it in pre-screening. I highly encourage people to see this movie. It is so real to life. If people are deeply struggling in marriage it might just give them hope and inspiration to continue. If they have a good marriage the movie should hopefully inspire further devotion to their marriage.

This coming weekend Fireproof The Movie starts showing at theaters. Check out www.fireproofthemovie.com. I saw this in an early screening and thought it was excellent. My wife and I were separated for 16 months before reconciling and I thought this movie captured alot of real life feelings we experienced during that time.

One reason I haven’t posted much lately is that I have been on vacation with my wife. We reconnected with some old friends, Clint and Penny Bragg of Inverse Ministries. They have a miraculous reconciliation story. They were actually divorced for 11 years and out of contact, living across the country from one another, when God reconciled their marriage.

They do 40-day Marriage Missionary trips in different sections of the country. They visit various churches and marriage ministries. They are leaving on a trip this weekend. Take a look at their website under 40-day trip and see if they are in your section of the country. If you get to see them, I think you will be blessed and encouraged.

During our separation I wrote a lot; some to myself and some to counselors, as I was trying to sort out my feelings. I wish that blogging had been around then or maybe it was and I didn’t know it. Most people reading this are probably aware that you can set up a blog to be your own private journal. You would need to study through the various settings on your blog site. Pay special attention to what you set as “permissions” or “authors”.

A marriage researcher, John Gottman, has named four attitudes – called The Four Horsemen – that are deadly to a marriage and often lead to divorce if not addressed. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. To read more go to http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/view/79