My wife and I were married about 17 years and were in marriage counseling when she told me to leave our home. We had two teenagers whom we were home schooling at the time. Reluctantly, I did leave our home and moved into our RV.
I was very hurt, shocked, and angry, and eventually became very depressed and spent a month in Meijer Clinic, a Christian out-patient treatment facility in Battle Creek, Michigan.
A few months later my wife told me she was getting a divorce. I got extremely angry, left for a few days, and got very depressed.
After I calmed down, I told her very firmly that I would not give her a dissolution, because I believed that Jesus had said “let no man put asunder what God has joined together”. I believe that for me to participate in a dissolution would mean participating in putting my marriage asunder.
We did try to mediate a legal separation, but those negotiations broke down.
Our relationship dwindled to nothing but the essentials of taking care of our farm business and any major issues with the kids.
I started attending three Divorce Care groups to get some help so that my emotions would get stabilized.
My wife never did file for divorce. Our counselor and his own wife were going to give a seminar called PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills). I invited my wife and after wrestling all night with God about whether to try anything else, she very reluctantly came. By God’s grace, with the tools, we were finally able to communicate some very intense emotions and hear one another out.
After the seminar, we started communicating more, using the tools, and within a couple of months moved back in together. Since then we have gotten more training in the various tools of PAIRS to help other couples. We hope to help others avoid going through what we went through, and if they are already in a mess, to give them some hope on how to get out of it.
We are also getting trained in coaching so we can even better help couples.
Well, that is a short summary. I will share more in days ahead.