Stander’s Affirmation

At the website, there is a Stander’s Affirmation. It is a pledge to hang in there for your marriage regardless of what your spouse does. I still remember how overwhelmed I was when I said it while my wife and I were separated and she was promising to get a divorce. One thing I realized was that if I truly lived by my affirmation I was really giving up on getting remarried, even if she pursued the divorce all the way through the court system with no agreement on my part.

This is a radical proclamation to make. If you are in a deep marital crisis, there will come a time to decide either you are 100% in your marriage and keeping your vows, regardless of your spouse – or you are not.


I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE! … I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

– Author Unknown

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2 Responses to Stander’s Affirmation

  1. friend says:

    The thing that is awful about the so called Stander’s Affirmation.. is that it is a license for wife abusers to continue the abuse, that is why I call it the “Stalker’s Affirmation”. After my former husband hit me, we had no marriage. I slept on the floor for years. Then he hit one of our children so I divorced him and asked him to move out of the home that had been passed down in my family to me (not to him). He then got very uppity with his superiority trip about how he is standing for our marriage. He tried to get my house away from me. He posted this horrible document all over the house even after the divorce. The church is in the dark about domestic violence. I want to make this man stay hundreds of feet away from me for life… and I don’t want him running around the church saying how he is standing for our marriage. We are divorced. I want peace, not begging. The man has no idea what love is, he thinks controlling me is love like most abusers. Rejoice ministries is no help whatsoever to women who are victims of domestic violence.

    • sewildman says:

      Dear Friend, We would agree that your former husband using the Stander’s Affirmation in this way is so very wrong and we’re so very sorry for the pain it has caused you and your family. When used in the way we believe the author intended, we believe it can help people to stand for their marriage in a godly way. In this post, Charlyne, the author of the Stander’s Affirmation, acknowledges the pain of her own verbal, emotional and physical abuse from her husband – so apparently she has experience in that area. We would suggest that you email her with your concerns about how your ex-husband is misusing the “Stander’s Affirmation” and have a conversations with her about it. Thanks for sharing this with us and, again, we are so sorry for your pain.

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