If you are separated from your spouse now, especially against your wishes, I am sorry. Please see my prior post about compassion for the separated.
However, I feel compelled to give you some warnings and some wake up calls.
For a moment think of how you act or maybe have reacted in an emergency – maybe you come on a car accident, or one of your children or someone you know is hurt. At first, you feel really sorry for the other person, or afraid, or maybe even you are a little paralyzed as to what to do. After a few moments you realize – for this person’s sake – I have got to get myself together and make some quick decisions, going with the best I know, and doing the best I can, right now.
Well, if you are separated from your spouse, your marriage is in emergency mode. If you went to a first responder’s class to know how to deal with emergencies, someone who has much more experience would teach you some keys to how to most effectively respond in an emergency, and then when you do find yourself with an emergency you recall what they said and make adjustments the best you know how.
First of all you are in a spiritual battle. The apostle Paul reminds us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers and spiritual wickedness in high places and the weapons of our warfare are not of this world, but divinely powerful for demolishing strongholds. With that said – prayer, fasting, and digging into God’s Word, has to be your number one priority. There are multiple resources on this website if you need help.
If you have a struggle with out-of-control anger, get help immediately. Depending on what state you are in, any hint of domestic violence, and sometimes even a false accusation of it, can get legal wheels turning in a hurry and drastically – so take this seriously if there is any hint that there is a problem.
If you want your marriage restored it has to be a top priority – marriage reconciliation does not work when it is added onto an already too full schedule. This may mean a drastic change in work commitments, ministry commitments, how you spend free time, etc. Be aware that a lot of people may not understand your changes, but this is your marriage, your life, your future – they don’t have to live with the consequences day and night for the rest of their lives – you do.
The sooner you can get to a 100% conviction to do all you can to save your marriage, regardless of your spouse’s attitude about your marriage, the sooner your marriage is likely to heal and the less likely you are to divorce. I cannot get you to that point but hopefully on this blog you will find inspiration to move along with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I encourage you to reach out for help – to pastors, counselors, or friends. If one person or group of people doesn’t know how to help or support you – look for another. If people you reach out to have an indifferent attitude towards your desire for a reconciled marriage, look for others who will encourage you.
In the realm of finances I would be cautious about making huge changes, unless someone is totally irresponsible with money. One question to ask yourself: If we reconcile, what would our financial structure look like? and then make adjustments in line with the assumption that you will reconcile.
This is probably going to be a hard road for awhile. I am sorry, but deep deep down, maybe even as never before, you will need to decide if your marriage is worth fighting for with all that you have. I hope you do make that decision.