When “Love Subsides”

This quote from a post on the Marriage Missions International website reminded me how quickly so many of us give up on our relationships before we give them a chance. We are sucked into the culture’s answer of divorce when the romantic feelings disappear.

“Right here, many couples quit. When the feelings of being in love are gone, they think it’s gone forever, and they’ll never get it back. So they throw in the marital towel. ‘It was a nice run, but this is the end of the road.’ The relationship is, for all intents and purposes, over. A slow, hideous death begins. The couple will do one of two things. They’ll stay together out of duty and just bump along in a cold, emotionless marriage. Or, they’ll get divorced and try again with a new partner, and often the same cycle takes place.

“The culture’s answer to this loss is divorce. Culture says: ‘Look, nobody stays together forever. Life is too short to keep on suffering in this marriage. You have only 70 or 80 years to live. Get out while you’re still young enough to attract someone else. The kids will be fine. You’re just hurting the kids anyway by staying in your marriage.’

“Millions of persons, followers and non-followers of Christ are taking culture’s advice. I should say Satan’s advice. That’s who is really sending this message. It’s too bad, because those who leave marriage when the emotions leave never get to the good stuff. They quit too soon! Real, deep, lasting love is only reached after your initial emotional feelings run out, after the “cloud nine” experience. That’s when you can build the marriage God wants you to have.

You can build the marriage God wants you to have and get to the good stuff!  Educate yourself on how to bring those loving feelings back. Remember and do the little things you used to do when you were dating and just married. The actions of doing those loving behaviors will bring the feelings back. We know. We had to do those to reconcile and we still have to choose to do them every day.

We are quick to think negative thoughts about our spouse throughout the day – character defects, irritations, misunderstandings – but Philippians 4:8-9 says that we need to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy and put them into action. What are those things about your spouse that are praiseworthy, admirable, or noble? Make a list of them and put telling your spouse what they are into action either in person or in an email or card. Think about those things during the day and I guarantee your attitude will change for the positive and your feelings of love and appreciation will return.

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