From day one when Sharon told me that she wanted a separation I was adamant about wanting to reconcile. Even when she announced that she was getting a divorce no matter what, I still was single-minded about wanting to reconcile. Over time I started to encounter people that knew us both who tried to kindly tell me that she was done and that I should get over it and move on and not be so depressed.
I went to three Divorce Care groups and even though the DVD’s we watched were very pro-active about attempting reconciliation many of the participants were pretty skeptical. One group had actually lost the “Reconciliation” DVD and had never replaced it because they said so few ever reconcile. I really appreciated that they reordered it and watched it when I asked them to.
If you are in a situation where you want to reconcile but your spouse is not being very encouraging that way, and friends or family are making discouraging comments, I have a couple of things to hopefully encourage you.
Almost every marriage that I know that went through a major trial but reconciled, one partner or the other – it may have been the husband, it may have been the wife – drove a stake in the ground and decided they were not giving up. The issue might have been addiction, adultery, or something else, but one person just got that rock solid determination that with God’s help things would turn around.
As you read stories and biographies of victories against incredible odds whether in war or sports or business you realize that in most cases someone just decided they were not giving up regardless of the odds or what someone else said. I can not tell you exactly how to get to that place of absolute determination in your inner man, but I can tell you that if you want the victory, you need to wrestle in your own way with God until you do get to that place.
One inspiring story is from Charlyne Steinkemp at Rejoice Ministries. Her husband was having affairs and had an alcohol problem so, on her pastor’s advice, she divorced him. Later she was convicted to pray and fast for him. Eventually, they reconciled, remarried and ministered together for 25 years or more before he died. She gives a lot of excellent practical and biblical advice for those who are determined not to give up on their marriage.
So in the end, it is your life and you have to decide for yourself if you are going to drive a stake in the ground for your marriage, or listen to others who see no hope.