He makes all things new . . .

Posted on July 6, 2011 by sewildman

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” ~ Revelation 21:1-5

I read this Scripture many times throughout my husband’s and my 16-month separation just a few years ago. I wanted to believe that what God said was true…that He could make all things new – even our marriage, but how could God take this torn relationship and put it back together again? That would take a miracle. Let me share with you that God is in the business of miracles, for He wove our family back together into a more beautiful and precious design than we ever dared to dream.

I struggled every day during our separation to put my will aside and choose to obey His will. I was desperate to believe God, not just believe in Him…to believe that He heals other marriages, and could also heal mine. There were many times that I found myself up in the middle of the night lying flat on my face crying out to God that I loved Him and wanted what He wanted. Confessing that I was scared to trust that His ways were higher than my ways, and best for my family and me, I prayed that He would break my will, my pride and my stubbornness. God will always answer “yes” to those prayers.

That’s what God wants us to do. To trust and believe Him in all our circumstances – even the seemingly impossible ones, like our struggling marriages. To believe that He can do the impossible and that He orchestrates all things for our good and His glory.

We held a recommitment ceremony on January 1, 2005, and on the front page of our program we placed the Scripture above – He makes all things new. We also wrote a thank you to our church body, which had so amazingly walked with us through all those months of struggle – they were “Jesus with skin on” to us.

Thank you for being with us today to celebrate what God has done in each of us individually, as a couple, and in our family. Your prayers and support have been “powerful and effective” as we’ve struggled to seek and obey God during the past few years. We will always be eternally grateful to the ones who never gave up on what God could do for us, and who continually pointed us to Jesus as our Healer. We have chosen to believe God is who He says He is, and can do what He says He can do. We believe we worship a huge God who majors in the “impossible.”

What God is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people…your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters… ~ from Psalm 77 (NIV)

Thank you, God, that you are the God who majors in the impossible – that the same power you used to raise Jesus from the dead – can also raise marriages from the “dead.” Your words are faithful and true, and we choose today to believe you can do what you say you can do.

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Reengage Marriage Ministry at Watermark

Posted on July 4, 2011 by RichWildman

The week before last we attended and presented at the AMFM (Association of Marriage and Family Ministries) conference in Dallas, Texas. The hosting church was Watermark Community Church. During the week they gave us an opportunity to visit their marriage ministry, Reengage. http://www.watermark.org/adults/marriage-ministry/reengage/

I really thought the design of the ministry was great. It was targeted for all types of marriages -ones that were healthy, struggling ones and marriages of any length, other than maybe just newly married which had a different program. They meet once a week year round.  Couples can start attending at anytime. The evening starts off  in a big group with worship and then a marriage testimony or a short teaching about marriage. After that the couples break into small groups.

Those who are attending for the first time stay in the main room and are given an introduction to Reengage. After that they can attend a group that is open to more people. They attend the “open” group for a couple of weeks or so. Once they have been consistently attending the open group and are ready to make a more serious commitment, they are assigned to a newly formed small group.

Once the new small group is formed it lasts for 24 weeks with the same people and is considered a “closed” group. Each small group has a lead couple that teaches the curriculum. Couples are able to share authentically in these smaller groups. After 24 weeks couples are integrated back into the overall ministry of the church. Some go on to become leaders of Reengage small groups.

The  marriage team leadership takes a pretty hands-off attitude towards the small groups. If an individual group wants to lengthen their 24 weeks, or doesn’t get totally through a lesson in a given week because of ministering to a situation, that is no problem. If a situation arises in the small group that the leader is not comfortable handling, then the more senior leadership gets involved.

Things that impressed me about what they laid out was that the lessons were very scriptural, worship was included, leaders were trusted, and attendees could progress into the groups at their own pace. Also, it was an outreach to the community. Many of the couples there did not attend Watermark Church and quite a few were not Christians. It is just encouraging to see a church so proactively supporting marriage in a real thought-out way.

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Planting

Posted on June 12, 2011 by RichWildman

In case you have been wondering why there have been no posts, we have been planting corn full speed ahead. We normally hope to be done long before Memorial Day, but this year we started after that because of all the rain we’ve had in Ohio. We have less than 200 acres of beans left to plant, but thankfully we are over hump and looking forward to posting more.

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Reclaiming Your Anniversary: One Flesh Marriage

Posted on June 12, 2011 by RichWildman

This is an excellent article about putting God number one, marriage number two, and children number three in  life. I admire the Christian maturity and depth of Biblical insight from this couple.

http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2011/06/reclaim-your-anniversary.html

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Family Life eMentoring

Posted on May 25, 2011 by RichWildman

I just came across this link about eMentoring from Family Life. It has information for those who want to mentor or be mentored. I have high regard for Family Life. If anyone has done this as a mentor or a mentee I would love to hear your experience.

I was just thinking back to my days of receiving counseling when I wrote many emails back and forth with my counselors and found it helpful. I seem to be able to get many of my thoughts and feelings out by writing that I can’t get out verbally. Not everyone is like that, but if you are something like this might be quite helpful.

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Michelle Weiner-Davis Testimony

Posted on May 23, 2011 by RichWildman

I have always admired Michelle Weiner-Davis from Divorce Busting for her creativity, passion and tenacity for saving marriages. I thought this personal testimony of hers was extremely good.

Confessions of an Unabashed Marriage Saver

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Divorce Reform

Posted on May 19, 2011 by RichWildman

If you are interested in the legal aspects of divorce reform here is some information.  New Divorce Reform Initiative Launched

Mike McManus of Marriage Savers has pointed out that it is easier to get out of his marriage of 40 plus years than get a car loan. He has also pointed out that no-fault divorce is the only kind of lawsuit that the defendant (the party that wants to save the marriage) always loses.

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Marriage Reconciliation Testimony

Posted on May 18, 2011 by RichWildman

I thought this testimony from Rejoice Ministries did a great job of sharing  the real life ups and downs of reconciliation and how persistence can payoff.

In the article that follows, Tina shares her story of standing. After ten years of marriage, her husband left her and their five-year-old daughter for another woman. During the seven years Tina battled to keep her marriage, her husband, James had a baby with the other woman. In 2007, James finally came home to stay.

FINALLY HOME!

I met James twenty-two years ago. “Who’s that new salesman?” I asked my co-worker. “I think his name is James, but why do you care, I thought you were done with guys?” Coming off a bad relationship at 20 years old, I had sworn I was done with guys…but he had caught my eye. “If he is from New Jersey, I’m going to marry him,” I told her. She thought I was crazy. It turned out he was from New Jersey, near where I grew up outside of Philadelphia, and we DID get married! Three years later in Florida, we became husband and wife.

After four years, we moved to South Florida, and were blessed with the birth of our precious daughter, Avery, in 1995. Like many young couples, we struggled as we grew a life together, but with the birth of Avery our whole world changed. I began asking the big questions about life. Perhaps the biggest question of all…”God, I know you exist, but who is this Jesus?” God answered that question and many more through a local Pastor. In 1996, James and I both gave our lives to Jesus Christ. We had found a new life in Christ, and a new purpose as a family. James’ purpose was found in his passion to serve others as a firefighter/paramedic and we celebrated as he was hired by a Fire Department about 60 miles away from our home.

At the same time, I accepted the call to teach at a new Christian school our church had started. The same year, Avery started Kindergarten. It all seemed to be coming together, a new life in Christ, our careers were established and Avery flourishing in school. Then our family’s peace was shattered when I found out James was having an affair. For the next seven years, James and I went back and forth, up and down, in our relationship. We struggled with our sinful nature and what God would have us do. We both had times we wanted to just give up on our marriage, but when he wanted to quit, I would stand fast, and when I was ready to set him free, he would not leave me. From my perspective it was the most painful, but amazing season of my life. I learned the true meaning of sacrifice, faithfulness and love. On Valentine’s Day 2008, after years of pain and struggle for both of us, James planned a special night. He took me to the beach, served me dinner, and gave me a beautiful new diamond wedding ring.

God’s love never fails. God’s love toward me, even in my sin, humbled me so that I could love and forgive James during the toughest season of his life. That love, as God promises, “covers a multitude of sins.” This man not only loved me, he was finally able to accept God’s love and forgiveness…which changed his life.

From that Valentine’s Day on, James loved us and served us selflessly. My husband and Avery’s dad, was the man I always dreamed he would be, the man I prayed he would become. We renewed our wedding vows on March 26, 2008, and began what we expected to be a long and wonderful new life together. Then came that tragic, but glorious day, almost one year later on March 8, 2009, when God took James home to Heaven. Traveling on his motorcycle to the job he loved as a Firefighter/Paramedic, James was killed. The day he died, James was right with his wife, with his daughter and with his God. James stood before God that day and heard the words we all long to hear, “Well done good and faithful servant…come and share your Master’s happiness.”

The promises God gave me through this journey were fulfilled. God promised me that James would “rescue souls from the flames.” His life and death are still accomplishing this truth. I continue to cling to His promise to me that, “Blessed is she who believes what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” The Lord also promised that He would “complete the work he started” in James, “until the day of Christ Jesus.”

James, God’s work in you is complete, well done. I can’t wait to see you again, until then you are finally home!

Posted in Divorce, Marriage, Separation | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Reaches out in desperation . . . then done

Posted on May 16, 2011 by RichWildman

Often times when I write emails I happen to come across names in my contact list that I remember as having contacted me in a desperate attempt to save their marriage. I’ll remember one  or two phone calls or emails from them where I  encouraged them the best I knew how to hold on to their marriage and referred them to multiple resources.

Many times that is the last I ever heard from them, but sometimes I see them on Facebook or out and about and find out that they got divorced or quit working on their marriage. I just find it sad when that happens, but  especially sad if the shift from “desperation to done” appears to happen quickly.

On the other hand, I do read and hear many stories of reconciliation and I so wish that those who quit quickly would be inspired to hang on for the long haul.

Posted in Divorce, Separation | Tagged | 6 Comments

The Power of Worship

Posted on May 14, 2011 by RichWildman

I happened to be up late last night and started listening to various worship songs and videos. I recalled how helpful listening to worship was during our separation. On many nights I fell asleep with my headset on listening to worship.

There is something about listening to worship, especially songs that are based on the Word of God and focus on Jesus, that can totally change my mood and outlook on life even when I don’t have the energy to read the Bible, pray, or journal.

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