http://www.gosmalley.com/what-to-do-when-youre-truly-miserable-in-your-relationship
I thought Michael’s theme of stick-to-it-ness in marriage goes right along with our concept of Stubborn Pursuits. Similar message, said just a little different. I like his message.
This is a funny clip – just in case you think I deal with so many crumbling marriages that you thought I had lost any sense of humor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSkT5XykJzo&feature=player_embedded
My wife and I are so thankful that God reconciled our marriage. I admire long-term marriages that have survived the ups and downs through the years. I admire any marriage, no matter how long, that has survived a major crisis.
Sometimes in sharing our testimony it is easy for us to leave out that even though the turn to reconciliation came quickly, there was a lot of hard work to reconcile and there has been a lot of hard work to stay reconciled and to continue to grow our marriage.
As I listen to couples across the spectrum from young marrieds to long-term marrieds, a consistent theme is that a good marriage takes work – and it is always a work in progress.
Why should we expect anything less? Most of us have learned over time that to do well at anything – school, sports, or business – it takes hard work, even if you have a natural aptitude for it.
I can testify that the rewards for working on your marriage are well worth it.
Over the last several years it seems like I have read and heard more debates between Christians about the circumstances in a marriage that might allow for a Biblical divorce than I have heard discussion of how to reconcile and revive a struggling marriage.
It seems that there is more often an attitude of “I am unhappy in my marriage, or my spouse wants out – so let’s see if there is a Biblical way out of this marriage” than there is an attitude of “I made a commitment for life to my spouse and by God’s grace and with His power nothing is impossible for God, including healing our marriage.”
I encounter various people along the way in distressed marriages desperately looking for answers. Often they wonder what I think about this or that situation. I am also involved in various message boards in conversations about marriage, I listen to people ask questions about marriage and divorce and I get to thinking about what my response might be.
Sometimes I have what I think is a well reasoned response and other times I don’t. I spend a lot of time reading books, magazines, and sites on the internet dealing with marriage, divorce, and reconciliation. I’ve learned that just a simple question such as “What reasons does Jesus allow divorce?” can generate much debate even amongst Bible believing, Bible quoting Christians. Sometimes I can see both views and am not sure which to pick myself, much less recommend as a solution to someone else.
What I have come to conclude is that each of us needs to do what Paul commended the Bereans for – that they search the Scriptures to see if what he was saying was true. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Each of us needs to seek Him through His word, worship, and prayer because He is our only hope.
I run across different situations where I am not sure what to say. I am aware of situations where one spouse or the other refuses to work on the marriage. Sometimes that spouse files for divorce, sometimes the other one does.
I don’t know what to say to the spouse who really wants to save the marriage. How do I give them hope when it appears hopeless? I don’t know what to say to the spouse who is unwilling to work on their marriage. When do I contact them; what do I say if I do?
What I can testify is that even though our marriage went through a season when Sharon refused to work on our marriage, I am thankful she did not file for divorce. I am thankful that I refused to sign a dissolution and I’m thankful I refused to quit trying to save our marriage. We do have a better marriage today than ever before. Jesus does make all things new. Nothing is impossible with God.
I thought this was an excellent article in Redbook magazine about surviving an affair. http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/surviving-an-affair
I appreciated how the article shared how much rage and anger the betrayed spouse can feel, but also the determination of both parties to hang in there, be honest, and get to the real issues. My hat goes off to couples who survive infidelity.
I am thankful that Sharon and I reconciled in December of 2004.
I am thankful for the many great resources available to help couples who struggle.
I am thankful that Jesus loves us through all the ups and downs of life.
I am thankful the great amount of worship music both new and old.
I am thankful for technology that allows us to connect across the world with friends and family and that allows us to have friendships with people we would normally never know.
I am thankful for those who are actively fighting for marriages.
I am thankful for those I work with who are pursuing better marriages.
I am thankful for a younger generation that wants to learn how to do relationships right from the beginning.
As we work with couples at some point in time we usually need to remind them who the enemy is. As in, “The enemy is not each other. It’s Satan. Remember, you are a Team of Two. You’re wearing the same color jersey – he’s not wearing white and you’re not wearing red – you’re BOTH wearing the same color!”
If you have to get up every morning and remind yourselves of that – please do it. It’s worth it. You may have to look at each other and say it aloud, “You’re not my enemy! You’re my teammate!” Pretty soon, you’re going to believe it again. And once more you’ve resisted the devil who has to flee.
Here are two great videos about how to make positive changes in your marriage by yourself and to get positive changes from your spouse.
Michelle explains it so well – we know exactly what to say to make an evening go bad with our spouse, but we seem to be clueless as to how to make it go well.
stubborn-pursuits.com 