Separated? Thinking you’d be better off with someone else?

When you are separated, especially for a long time, even if you are the one who wants to save your marriage, it’s easy to start wondering if it would be easier just to give up on this relationship and start over again.

Time for a reality check.  Each time you remarry your chance of another divorce increases. I think the trend goes something like 50% divorce rate for first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and maybe 70% or more for third.

Okay, maybe you will be one of the lucky ones and not be one of those statistics. From my observations whatever your real shortcomings in your first marriage were – and we all have shortcomings – if you don’t deal with them appropriately now they will come back to haunt you in your next marriage. Many times people will unwittingly pick out someone who is very similar to their first spouse, even the negative attributes. They may not see those things at first but they come out.

In some video I watched there was a testimony of a couple who each was divorced from their first spouse, had a wonderful whirlwind courtship, and then said it took seven years of hell to get their marriage to a good place. Listening to them inspired me that if someway, somehow Sharon and I could get back together we could make a lot of progress in seven years. I am thankful to report that we have.

Another study that has come out recently has shown that researchers surveyed partners who were in unhappy marriages for their overall level of happiness. Five years later they resurveyed the same people. Those people who had stayed together had overall more happiness in their life five years down the road than those who had split up.

Yes, some second and third marriages do work but the ones that I know personally have taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears on the part of both partners to get to that place, and most will admit, still have residue of pain from the first marriage. A few have even told me that if they had worked as hard on their first marriage as they have their second they would still have been together with their first partner.

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