Giving Up Too Quickly

Over the last several years I have had conversations with quite a few men early in their marriage crises. A typical scenario has often been that when the wife says she is done with the marriage and the man first contacts me he is often in shock, very emotional, and indicates that he is willing to do almost anything to save his marriage.

What has surprised me is how fast some men go from that emotional state to one of just giving up – accepting that the marriage is over, doing whatever legally has to be done to end the marriage – “to give her what she wants” – and heading on down the road. It saddens and frustrates me when the turn is relatively quick.

One of the fastest I ever saw was when I was contacted in August then by Fall the man and his wife had a separation agreement in place. By Christmas he was dating (the state he lived in required a one year waiting period for a divorce after separation), and when that waiting period ended the next Fall, the paperwork went through to end the marriage.

So often after that “giving up” stage on the man’s part, he seems to have little interest in hearing how God worked in our marriage or in researching or using any resources that might give him hope for his marriage. It is at times like these that I really don’t know what to say to inspire the man to slow down and keep trying and fighting for his marriage.

This entry was posted in Divorce, Random, Separation and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Giving Up Too Quickly

  1. Michele says:

    I know when I found out my husband wanted a divorce, his mind was made up. (I actually found the papers he filed. He never actually told me). He did waffle for about a week after that, because I told him I didn’t want to tell the kids until he was 100%. Though we had some great times that summer as a family and him and I became friends again, he seems to have never given it a 2nd thought. I am thankful for these times and our marriage didn’t end with battling. Not to say it was all rosy. There were times when I was upset over stuff that would come from the lawyer. I dont think there was anything I could have done to change his mind. I certainly tried. I try not to think about all of it (the divorce, why it happened, can I do anything, will he change his mind, etc) and instead keep focused on God.

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