Lots of times I am not very articulate in a tense situation so maybe if I practice here I will be ready at the appropriate time. Sometimes when I have had a struggling couple come to me who are still in deep pain and pointing fingers at each other I have wondered about saying something like this:
I am sorry for your pain. I have been there myself. Jesus did heal our marriage. I do think you need to slow down and consider several possible options and then make a wise choice about how to proceed.
a. You have mastered living in a painful marriage. You can keep on doing what you have been doing and continue to survive in that miserable marriage.
b. You can both agree to voluntarily give up on your marriage and just sign a dissolution and be done. Of course in doing so you are giving up on all those dreams you have had as a couple, you are going back on your promise of “till death do us part” that you said before God, friends, family and your spouse, and you are leaving a legacy of divorce for your family and culture. You are also saying that God either cannot or will not do a miracle in your marriage and you are not willing to wait until He does.
c. You can just move into an ungodly lifestyle – have an affair, live it up, put it to your spouse. If God’s command of “Thou shall not commit adultery” doesn’t stop you – read some current magazines, newspapers, or social media for the amount of pain caused by those who have walked this road and maybe you will be inspired to restrain yourself.
d. Go get an attorney and make a preemptive filing against your spouse. Be the first to hit and hit hard. If you are both Christians, just sort of ignore the Apostle Paul’s admonition not to sue other believers. The courts are open and there are many attack-dog attorneys ready to demolish your spouse, your kids, and your checkbook – so that is an option.
e. Somebody – either one or the other of you – can drive a proverbial stake in the ground and say, “By God’s grace I am going to do everything possible to fulfill my vows, and I am going to do everything in my power with God’s help to “Let no man put asunder what God has joined together.” I am going to pray and fast, get help for whatever issues of mine that have contributed to our problems, love my spouse like never before and learn new ways to love them and communicate with them. I am not going to give up.
I challenge you as Joshua challenged Israel to make a declaration: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”