Changing Your Marriage by Yourself

If you are in a crisis marriage it is so easy to think that there is nothing you can do if you partner won’t cooperate. One of the first principles to understand is that if you change yourself in a marriage, your marriage changes because the sum total of your marriage is the two of you. Here is the same principle expressed by different people.

Paul and Lori Byerly discuss here how choosing to be generous can change your marriage.

Michelle Weiner Davis who has many hours of counseling couples has this great video about changing your marriage by yourself.

Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs remarried after her affair and their divorce. It took approximately seven years for Jeff to forgive Cheryl enough to remarry her, even though with God’s help she had turned her life around pretty quickly after the divorce. She had to continue to love him even when he was unwilling for a long time to reconcile. Here is their inspiring story.

Emerson Eggerichs in his book Love and Respect unpacks God’s command in Ephesians 5:33 for men to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. Bottom line is that if you start doing what God commands you to do as a husband or wife you can help get your marriage unstuck.

Once you are truly convinced that you can change your marriage by yourself the doors blow wide open to get your marriage off dead center. It may take time but your marriage can truly be different.

My observation is that until one partner or the other truly becomes convinced that they can make a difference in their marriage there is not much we can do for the marriage except be a listening ear and help pick up the pieces. But typically, the marriage doesn’t get better.

I’ve learned in almost all couples that go from a very bad spot in their marriage to a good or great marriage, one partner or the other became absolutely convinced that with God’s help they could make a difference in their marriage and that they were not going to give up until their marriage was healed.

Will you be that partner that stands in the gap for your marriage, and with God’s help does all you can to change yourself, and your actions and reactions in your marriage? Will you keep doing those things until your marriage is healed?

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