Overcoming Hopelessness During Separation

I had several major types of hopelessness to overcome during our separation. The first level of hopelessness was “What is the point of living if I am not with my wife and children?”. I never attempted suicide, but there were many days I just couldn’t see the point in life if we got divorced. I finally wrestled to a place with God where I realized that married or divorced, life was worth living and had meaning and purpose. I started telling myself that any day not in front of a divorce judge was a good day.

The second level of hopelessness was “Does God really heal marriages today?”.  If I reflected vary long on marriages that I knew in my family, church, friends, and public figures I could get very depressed when I realized how many couples had struggled and then gotten divorced.  The track record for healed marriages didn’t look too  good and statistically there are a lot of divorces. At least the day I got my cancer diagnosis the doctor had told me that for my type of cancer there was about a 98% cure rate. That was a much better rate than most couples.

Eventually I started meeting people along the way who had reconciled their marriages. I began reading testimonies of healed marriages and seeing testimonies of reconciliations on various videos. I started to realize that God really does heal marriages.

The third level of hopelessness was “Will God heal our marriage?”.  When I started hearing other testimonies of healed marriages I started to have a glimmer of hope that ours might heal. The big turn was when Sharon agreed to attend a one day PAIRS workshop led by our counselor Jeff Williams. By the end of the day Sharon and I had connected enough that I had high confidence that Jesus was turning things around for us. The more we practiced the skills we learned that day the more confidence I had, and when she agreed to live together again I was thrilled and knew that our marriage was on the road to even greater healing.

If you are separated what of the three areas of hopelessness are you battling with the most now? If one of your friends is separated what can you do to encourage them as they walk through their hopelessness?

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7 Responses to Overcoming Hopelessness During Separation

  1. Debi Walter says:

    Excellent post coming from the heart of experience–one of the most powerful tools in helping marriages grow.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this! HOPE is vital in our walk and marriage!! Our circumstances and what we see with our natural eyes deceive us…our hope remains in Christ, who is waging war in the heavenlies on our behalf!!

  3. Thanks for sharing your testimony. During a separation in my marriage, I remember asking those same questions.

  4. jamie says:

    It’s interesting to read the different levels of hopelessness that you felt. It never occurred to me to really dig into the different layers. Hopelessness was always just hopelessness. It gives me much to ponder, as I journey through and allow God to use the story of my own healed marriage. I can remember when I came home I didn’t know if my marriage could be healed. I didn’t believe it could but I took the risk anyway…and thank God I did because today…the difference is amazing!

  5. Thanks for sharing this post. I have also felt hopeless in all of the ways you described. And then the irony of it, at the same time I was the one trying to speak hope and encouragement to my wife.

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