Great article about the truth that marriage can be tough but worth the struggle. Reminds me of our own marriage. A key concept is that you can either have an overcoming marriage or be overcome.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex_and_intimacy/the_overcoming_marriage.aspx
I just finished reading an awesome book entitled “Facebook and Your Marriage” by K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky. This is a fast read with a lot of practical tips about what Facebook is and how to use it, as well as how to be wise and use it for good in your marriage. Jason and Kelli also help couples walk through the minefield of Facebook that some have used to help destroy their marriage.
They also have much good information at their website www.facebookandyourmarriage.com.
Personally, I have really enjoyed reconnecting with family and friends through Facebook.
I have been very pleasantly surprised how many Christians are among my former classmates and how bold they are about their faith. I often get some good devotional thoughts from their postings.
I am not afraid to hide the myriad of games that I don’t care to see.
I am not afraid to hide friends who post too much mundane stuff about their life. Lots of times I do keep them as friends so that if I hear of something major happening in their lives I can still check their wall, but I don’t have to see their everyday posts about everything.
I have found many good organizations to follow who have Facebook Fan Pages.
Lots of time my wife and I have good conversations about things we have seen on Facebook. We don’t have all friends in common, so we see different things about people and often check with each other to make sure we didn’t overlook something important the other might like to know. Sort of like having a conversation about what you read in the daily paper or heard at the coffee shop or grocery.
We do keep our relationship status posted as “Married”. Like the Jason and Kelli’s book mentioned – it is sort of like wearing your wedding ring in public.
During the low point of our separation, when we were basically not speaking or communicating except for the bare essentials of operating our farm business, addressing serious issues with our children, or meeting for marriage mediation, I kept telling myself that even no contact, or even a stressful contact, was better than divorce lawyers and court.
Sharon did come to a few counseling sessions with our children at their request, and she was clearly there only as their mother, not my wife and not to reconcile. She could have filed for divorce and for sole custody.
Sharon did agree to come to mediation. I wanted to mediate a reconciliation, she wanted to mediate a dissolution, so we compromised and tried to mediate a legal separation. We did agree for the framework of mediation, but didn’t get far in mediation. I was thankful she came, because it showed she respected me enough to try to work on our differences short of filing court papers.
I have known some distressed couples who were more civilized to each other when they were watching the grandchildren together. I have known some who did better talking on the phone than in person.
My encouragement is to look for whatever part of your relationship might be at least civilized. Try to be thankful for those small snippets of good relationship and try to continue to have them and not ruin them if they do happen. Over time maybe some other small positives will happen and someday there might even be a breakthrough.
I am often looking for new ways to search for good marriage information. I just discovered that you can go to Amazon.com and search from the homepage for a word like marriage. Once it pulls up a list of suggestions there is also a sidebar at the left called Listmania. Listmania has it’s own search box and if you put the word marriage in that one, it will bring up lists that other people have created that relate to marriage. You could also put in words like divorce, marital separation, or marital reconciliation and see what comes up. The amount of resources available to help marriages is phenomenal. Like Jesus said, “He who seeks finds.” If you want help it is available. Remember that you will find both secular and Christian books and information.
Here is a great list of resources at the Smart Marriages website to help recover from infidelity. Remember, Smart Marriages has both secular and Christian resources listed.
Conciliation is a process laid out in Ohio law to help divorcing couples reconcile. This is the best article that I have ever seen about it.
http://www.hcmmlaw.com/blog/2009/01/03/the-conciliation-process-in-montgomery-county-ohio/
As I’ve said before one video series I watched during our separation was “Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce.” It was very realistic about the pain and heartache that could come through a divorce and also gave some awesome testimonies of healed marriages. This series was created by the same people who do Divorce Care.
From the following link at Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley in Springfield, Ohio, you can watch a short sample video of testimonies. It has an excellent part about why not to date soon after a divorce. You can also click the link to go to the “Choosing Wisely” website to order the video. I highly recommend this video even if your partner won’t watch it with you.
During our separation I felt emotions more intensely than at almost any other time in my life. I would go from raging, to crying and back again in a very short time. Eventually I learned to pour out my heart to God – yes, even during the rage – and over time I would get my emotions back under control quicker. From all I’ve learned it’s pretty normal, but I needed Jesus’ help to get back on track when emotions seemed to “ambush” me during the day. I pray this gives hope to someone who is experiencing tremendous emotional ups and downs during separation or divorce.
This came up as a random post on WordPress. I found it to be interesting about how long-term marriages have their own private language.
http://realdelia.com/2010/07/12/the-private-language-of-marriage/
If you are a believer in Christ I cannot promise that your marriage will be saved, but based on the Word of God I can encourage you with many things.
He will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8)
God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)
God has made the two one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
In all things God works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)
The Lord is Your shepherd. (Psalm 23:1)
I believe it was Beth Moore who said that at times when something is really bothering her she just starts repeating the name of Jesus aloud and in a little bit that heaviness lifts. I have experienced this myself.
Kenneth Copeland said repeating the name of Jesus is like throwing the whole Bible in Satan’s face.
Anne Graham Lotz, one of Billy Graham’s daughters, once did a sermon on “Just give me Jesus.”
If you are separated and discouraged my encouragement to you is to call on Jesus, seek Him with your whole heart, mind, and strength, whether that is through speaking His name, speaking His Word aloud, listening to worship that lifts Him up, or some other way that has been special to you in the past to connect with Him. The bottom line is to focus on and call out to Him.
stubborn-pursuits.com 