Sometimes a spouse who does not want a marriage to end is willing to make some last ditch efforts for their marriage. One thing is to pray and fast for wisdom as to what to suggest to your spouse and that their heart would be open and willing.

Here are some things to consider:

Some state laws have a clause where a party can request the court to order counseling. I believe Ohio is one of those states. Sometimes the judge will, sometimes he won’t, but it might be worth a try.

I have heard of instances of a court in California ordering a couple to go to Retrovaille – a weekend intensive.

My suggestion would be to research things on your own, sort them out, present them to your spouse, and if they are willing to do any of them, participate wholeheartedly.

Look at our Resources page for Intensives suggestions.

Retrouvaille is probably one of the oldest, most established and successful intensive weekends. Retrouvaille is held in retreat centers, hotels, and other venues across the country and is led by people who have participated in the past. The material is the same regardless of where you participate. They also have followups. The last I knew they just asked for donations. They had a suggested amount depending on the hotel costs. You do not have to share your struggles with others.

National Institute of Marriage and Sharon Hart Morris do two- to four-day intensives that include professional counseling.

If you search the web, there are many more alternatives.

After a couple of days reviewing lots of my links and thinking seriously about how to help marriages it was refreshing to see this unique and somewhat offbeat way to start a marriage. Hope they can keep up the fun through the years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Great post by Ron Deal from Successful Stepfamilies.

http://www.familylifeculturewatch.com/2009/07/jon-kate-plus-25.html

Even a man whose ministry goal is to help stepfamilies believes that fixing the first marriage is easier, less complicated, and most likely better for the children.

Great article by Dr. Jim Talley to refute the common idea in separation /divorce situations that you need to quickly Get On With Your Life. I was so disappointed to hear this type of subtle suggestion from Christians when Sharon and I were separated, but still married, and I wanted reconciliation.

http://drtalley.com/gowyl.html

Over time I have talked to various people about their adventures in the courtroom regarding divorce, dissolution, and child support. Today I happen to be pondering someone’s situation so I just started reading the sections in the Ohio Revised Code relating to those issues. Some of it is pretty clear, some of it gives me a headache.

Years ago when I was in an estate planning class the professor mentioned that if you died without a will, the state had one for you, so if you didn’t like the state’s plan, you better write your own. I also have heard the saying in regard to government programs, “When you get in bed with the government, you get more than a good night’s sleep.”

It sure appears that if at all possible your life will be less complicated if you can come together with your spouse and work out your problems. Once you get in the court system you lose some measure of control of your life. There appears to be some situations when even you and your spouse might agree, but the court has authority to override your agreement and enforce its own agreement on you both.

Please, make every effort possible to work out things with your spouse and to remain in your marriage. There are so many resources and people to help you and so many unexpected consequences if you head down the divorce path.

Good article defending traditional marriage.

http://www.crosswalk.com/news/religiontoday/

God says throughout the Bible “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” He also says “The wages of sin is death.”.

Those two statements should be enough to help us keep on the right track, but sometimes I am sobered and hopefully more resistant to temptation, when I watch some of the world news unfold.

Mark Sanford – Governor of South Carolina, with apparently an intelligent, attractive wife and beautiful kids, rising star in the GOP, talked about for President – throws away or tarnishes so much with a woman from Argentina.

Steve McNair – Former football star. Married. Literally dies when his lover shoots him and then herself. Wonder if he had any clue at all what might happen.

Senator Ensign – Rising conservative star in GOP. Has affair with a staffer. Double whammy in that both she and her husband were close to him.

Just sobering to think “But for the Grace of God, there go I.”

Back to working on my own marriage to make it all it can be, because that is one of the best protections to temptation. If I am putting my energy into that I will have less energy to put anywhere it shouldn’t be.

I have found it helpful over time to refocus my thoughts during the day on Jesus and His Word. Here’s a couple of new ways I have found to do this.

I have several Christian friends and family on Facebook and they often post Scriptures, worship videos, or Bible studies. I try to slow down and take a few moments to ponder some of what has been written or shared.

I have several Christian blogs on my personal blog list and it is helpful just to stop for a few minutes and read a good post that focuses on Christ.

The more I renew my mind with God’s Word the better the day goes or at least my attitude about the day.

I found this to be an interesting post about taking a vacation with your ex to help give the kids some sense of family. I realize how powerful the pull to be a family can be – which is a good thing.

I am glad this couple is trying hard to be civilized post-divorce, but sad for them that apparently they didn’t work out the issues between them years ago and stay married.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/vacationing-with-my-ex_b_226310.html

This is a great article by retiring Georgia Supreme Court Judge Leah Ward Sears.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/07/02/sears.family.divorce/index.html