If You Loved Me, You Would Give Me a Dissolution

I think Solomon was right about there being nothing new under the sun. This week, within a time span of 24 to 48 hours, I had messages from two men who don’t know each other, who live in completely different states and one of their wives is in yet another state, but each said that his wife had told them that if they really loved them they would give them a dissolution.

During our separation there was an evening when Sharon mentioned that if I really loved her that I would do what she wanted me to do, which was to give her a dissolution of our marriage.

For once, during a tense time during our separation, I was pretty calm. I told Sharon that Jesus had said, “Let no man put asunder what God had joined together”, so for me to give her a voluntary dissolution, I would be the man putting asunder what God had joined together, so I did not believe in good conscience I could do what she was asking.

Although what I told her was relatively short, I wrestled  a lot internally with this whole concept. One thing I remember was that during our courtship and engagement Sharon had expressed to me how strongly she believed that marriage was for life. I was serious when I made my commitment to her for life and I took her commitment to me for life as a serious promise as well.

One analogy I thought about was this: If you and a buddy went out to supper and as you got out of the car he pitched you his keys and said, “Sometimes I drink a little too much so if I do, you drive home”, and then after supper he had drunk too much and he belligerently told you to give him his keys, what would be the loving thing to do? Do you drive home in spite of his rudeness or do you give him the keys and risk your life, his life and others’ lives?

I did not see how helping Sharon go against a value she and I  had so strongly believed when we were dating and early married was the loving thing to do for her, for our kids, or for myself, or that it would be honoring to God.

Here’s another analogy I have recently thought about. Say your child bought a car and six months later decided that even though they could make the payments they just didn’t like the car and stopped making the payments. Then they told you that if you loved them you would make the payments. Would it be the loving thing to do for you  to make the payments or would it be more loving  if you let their credit get dinged up and the car repo’d so they learned that commitments are serious things to make?

Sharon is thankful now that I was stubborn and refused to give her a dissolution.

This entry was posted in Divorce, Separation and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to If You Loved Me, You Would Give Me a Dissolution

  1. Jeff says:

    My wife sent me a message on Facebook last night asking me to meet her at her work sometime next week to sign divorce papers she initially presented me with new year’s eve. I really don’t want this, but don’t know what else to do besides ask God for help in stopping it. I want to preserve peace between us and between me and her family. I am scared at this point. 😦

    • richwildman says:

      I am so sorry for your pain and hurt and fear.

      I know it was very scary to me when I said no to Sharon, not knowing what she might do next, but I can testify that Jesus gave me courage and peace and I am thankful that I kept saying no.

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