Divorce Care for the Separated

I know I’ve talked about this resource before, but it bears repeating.

Divorce Care is a 13-week program primarily for those going through divorce but also for those who are separated – even those who are separated and want to reconcile. Each week there is a key topic that is discussed on video by experts and also by people who have been through separation or divorce. Here is the list of topics covered. After you watch the video people discuss what they heard plus share a little about their own situation if they feel so led.

I actually went to three groups a week for awhile during our separation. The videos almost always connected with what I was feeling and experiencing on many topics and the encouragement from other participants was great. I believe that participating in Divorce Care helped me come out of a major depression during our separation. One thing that also helped was that I realized that other people were often in worse situations than I was.

Here are some special tips about the Divorce Care groups if you are separated and want to reconcile.

a. Some people are already divorced and maybe their ex-spouse is already remarried, so they may be clueless about your desire to reconcile.

b. Some may have tried to reconcile with their spouse and it failed so they maybe cynical about your hope for reconciliation.

c. In my case, one of the groups was so hopeless about reconciliation in general that they had lost the CD on reconciliation, but at my request they repurchased it and watched it.

I just determined that it was my desire was to reconcile if at all possible so I just tried to ignore any hopeless comments from others in the group. Not everyone was like that though.

One concern in a Divorce Care group is the possibility of meeting someone new prematurely. I realized that there were a couple of different types of women in Divorce Care. Some had already been around the block of new relationships and having smooth-talking guys hit on them while they were separated or divorced, so they were very cautious about getting involved with any man.

Some women were still in so much shock and pain about their own situation and dealing with betrayal, financial struggles, and kids that they certainly weren’t my fantasy girl of having life all together and all ready to walk blissfully into the future with a new man. I found myself having a lot of compassion for both types of women and any fleeting ideas of forgetting about my desire to reconcile went away.

The other thing to realize about Divorce Care is that each group has it’s own dynamics and style. One reason I went to three at once was that I had tried one group that just didn’t work out. I looked on the web for more groups within driving distance and liked each one for different reasons, so I kept going.

One other thing to consider is whether you want to be in a group in a local church where you may know others and they may know you, or if you prefer to drive a little bit to be in a group that is more anonymous to you. That is a personal preference decision.

I am thankful for my time in Divorce Care because in many ways it helped me get to a more stable place where I was more truly ready for reconciliation when it came.

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