It Was Worth It

If you have read this blog much, you know that our marriage was very shaky at one time. We had a lot of pain, many struggles, and much work that had to be done to reconcile before we ended up with a different and better marriage than we had before our separation.

I want to say as a way of encouragement to others who may be struggling today in their marriages, the struggle was worth it.

When our son married our daughter-in-law, I was so thankful my wife and I were reconciled. During the ceremony I realized how much more awkward of a day it would have been, and less joyful personally, if Sharon and I had been divorced.

When we have traveled to see our first grandchild out-of-state, I have often been so thankful that we were back together, because again, I realize how much more awkward for everyone it would be if we were divorced.

There is something so special about being together as a couple at milestones in your children’s lives. Yes, we probably would have been adults about the situation, and tried not to spoil our child’s special days with our own drama, but it was much more satisfying to share those special moments together as a couple.

On a practical basis, it is cheaper to travel out-of-state to weddings and grandchildren events as a couple, sharing transportation and hotel room costs.

I have had a few minor health issues in the past few years, and it has been comforting to be married, living with my wife, rather than being alone.

From time to time I think about how much different and more complicated farming would be if we had divorced and what kind of financial setbacks we might have had.

Economic reality is that no matter how much money you and your spouse have together, if you pay a divorce attorney to help you get divorced, you have less of a pile of money to split between you. And if you don’t pay an attorney, there is a good chance you will make financial mistakes that cost one or both of you.

I have watched various friends and relatives go through divorce and some of them re-marry or be in new relationships. I have been at family events when both ex-spouses are present. Some of those events have gone fine with no major drama because both ex-spouses have exercised some maturity. However, I have often sensed an awkwardness on the parts of the ex-spouses, and I have felt sadness on their behalf. I have been at some events where there was major drama between ex-spouses, which is especially sad and hard on everyone.

So, my encouragement if you are in a struggling marriage, is to continue to do all that is within your power, with God’s help, to work through the issues. If by chance you do get divorced, I encourage you to get whatever help you need to truly heal before you get involved in another relationship. The  second and third marriages I have seen that have worked is because the new spouses really took the time and effort to heal their own pain, make changes in their own lives, and do differently in their later marriages than their first.

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