Joy Eggerichs has an excellent post on forgiveness.
I thought it was wonderful the way she pointed out that just as God loves us He loves those who hurt us. He takes no delight in punishing us or anyone else but He will be a just God. His love for others probably rubs us the wrong way when we have been deeply wounded and we hope God lets someone else “have it” so to speak.
If you are a beginning leader, author, speaker, or teacher and you believe you have a message but are just not sure how to go about getting it out to the public this may be a great primer class offered by Shannon Ethridge to hone your skills. She has extended the date to sign up to August 25th.
I have done this online class for the past year and have learned a lot about a business that is very different from farming. There are monthly videos to watch, books to read, and a small group Skype or conference call. I have learned many practical tips for how to be a better writer and speaker.
Last week we watched the inspirational movie, Secretariat, about the horse that won the Triple Crown back in the early 1970’s. The horse’s owner was Penny Chenery who inherited him when her father died. In spite of no Triple Crown winners for the 25 years prior, and in spite of substantial offers for her to sell Secretariat, Penny held on to see her improbable dream of him winning the Triple Crown and saw it come true.
During a separation it is so easy to hear from your spouse, friends, pastors, and lawyers that your marriage is hopeless. Sometimes it is helpful just to watch a movie that tells of great battles won against the odds. It doesn’t have to be a movie about marriage either. Any great story that inspires you to keep trying will do. Some possible movies are Fireproof, Facing the Giants, Secretariat, Rocky, Braveheart, or Chariots of Fire. The key is to find inspiration to pull through when it seems like all hope should be lost.
It is not uncommon for me to meet a divorced person who tells me that they really wished they had fought harder for their marriage. I have also had divorced people indicate to me that if they had put as much energy into their first marriage as they have into their second marriage in an effort not to fail again, that they would still be married to their first spouse.
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It’s nice to highlight this marriage of Dan and Alix Peyton’s where they are pulling together to support one another and meet mutual goals.
Don Carson, Tim Keller and John Piper have all been married over 35 years and are respected Bible teachers. This is a fascinating interview. Piper made a great point that it is the covenant that sustains the love in marriage. Our feelings come and go but our promise to our spouse carries us through the rough spots.
I’m here this morning struggling to know what to write about. Something that will speak from the heart of God to yours. Something that He’s taught me that I can share with you. But nothing’s coming. And the deadline is looming. So, although it doesn’t have anything to do with marriage, I’ll share what’s been on my heart for the past couple of weeks.
I picked up two books at the library about life for women in the Middle East. Especially those countries that have myriad restrictions on women – how they live, what they wear, their education. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Those books, plus a few others I’d read earlier, turned my world upside down.
Then I had the honor of hearing about a women’s center in one of those countries that friends of ours opened this year. A center where women can be educated safely and their incomprehensible need for resources. They have 400 women signed up for classes soon. Four hundred. In six month’s time.
And my heart is pulled to help in some way. So when I asked how I could help in ways other than financial, the dear sister looked at me and without hesitating said, “Come! Come and teach!” And my heart at once shrunk back in fear. But then surged forward for that is my gifting – teaching and encouraging women. But then my heart shrank back in fear again. Isn’t that the way it goes? I want every woman to have the opportunity to be all that God has called her to be; to use her gifts and talents to help others.
As the days have gone by that seed just keeps mulling around and I keep telling myself, “It’s not safe. It’s crazy. I don’t have that much faith.” But then, faith grows. The seed has been planted. And I’ll wait to see if God does anything to make it grow, flourish and bloom in His timing. It’s scary to voice that. It’s scarier still to allow God to plant that seed and give Him permission to do with it what He wants. In the meantime, please join me in praying for these precious women.
I had an opportunity the other day to review many of the emails, letters, and psychological tests from the time of our separation. I could see where both of us in our own time and way honestly and intensely sought God. We both had made good faith overtures to the other.
For myself, it is amazing the intensity of some of the emotions I had, and sad to realize how deeply I hurt my family by not handling those emotions properly. I am thankful for those who stood by us through the turmoil – pastors, elders, friends, and counselors. They went on quite a ride also and often didn’t know what to do. After remembering where we were in our relationship, I’m so thankful that Jesus brought us to a better place.
For those in the middle of struggle for your marriage my biggest encouragement is to reach out to God and pour your heart out to Him. Reading through the Psalms and using some of them as a prayer pattern or prayer inspiration can be very helpful. I was just reading some today and realized again how much David cried out to God and God answered him.
After you have reached out to God and are allowing Him to work in your own life, keep looking for the good in your spouse and respond in love to whatever positive gestures they make to you even if those are small. This separation and reconciliation stuff is just tough sledding, but with God all things are possible and love never fails.
In various places on this blog I share some of the things I did when Sharon wanted out of our marriage and I have suggested some ideas I have thought of since. Below is another man’s perspective on what to do. There are also some interesting comments below his post.
I thought this was excellent advice on how to pray to change your man and I don’t see any reason it can’t be reversed to pray for your wife.
A Recipe for Changing Our Men?!
During our separation I learned to pour out my heart to God about how frustrated and angry I was with Sharon. This was a huge breakthrough for me to be able to be gut level honest with God and I think it made a critical difference.
I remember a specific time with my Christian psychologist when I prayed to release Sharon to God. It was very hard to trust Him with her and I desperately hoped He would turn her heart back to me. He did.
I prayed multiple times through Stormie O’Martians’ book, The Power of a Praying Husband, which included a lot of blessings for my wife. Gratefully, God did do alot of changes in my heart and my life and also in Sharon’s.
stubborn-pursuits.com 