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Using Premarital Curriculum to Help Build a Strong Foundation

Posted on April 3, 2010 by RichWildman

Even if you have struggled in your own marriage encourage young people you know who are engaged to go through a good premarital course. The help available now is so far superior to what was available when we got married almost 25 years ago.

Most of our problems showed themselves in the first year of marriage. We may have been able to nip some of those in the bud if we would have had a good premarital course and/or some mentoring.

One resource we are using and are very impressed with is “Before ‘I Do'” by K. Jason Krafsky. You can learn about it at www.fullmarriageexperience.com. To see a list of providers who use it click here http://fullmarriageexperience.com/fme.aspx?pid=272

Many communities have some sort of community marriage initiative that will link you to resources for premarital “counseling”. You could Google your town name with words such as premarital prep.

If you are struggling in your own marriage get a copy of a premarital program and study it for yourself. See what parts of the foundation you missed and start rebuilding it now. It’s never too late.

Most couples I know who have reconciled have gone back to square one of dating – getting to know one another and laying a new foundation. This “Before ‘I Do'” curriculum is a great place to begin.

Posted in Marriage, Random, Separation | Tagged Relationships, Resources, Struggling | Leave a comment

Changing a Marriage by Yourself

Posted on March 26, 2010 by RichWildman

It can’t be said enough that you can change a marriage by yourself. Here is a good article explaining how.

http://kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/onewayturnaround.html?start=1

Posted in Marriage, Separation | Tagged Article, Struggling | Leave a comment

17 Action Statements for the Separated

Posted on March 24, 2010 by RichWildman

Father Dick McGinnis, an Episcopal priest, interviewed a number of couples who had been separated and then reconciled. After listening to their stories he came up with a list of 17 Statements that described what most couples went through on their road back together. Each person does not necessarily go through the list in this order, but most people when they reconcile realize that somewhere along the way they went through these steps.

The 17 Action Statements

The Heart of Marriage Ministry

A. HOPE

1. Through other Christians’ testimony and example we/I found hope for our marriage.

B. COMMITMENT TO GOD

2. I experienced God’s love and forgiveness.

3. I made a decision/commitment to love: Christ, mate, self.

(This wording indicates that this kind of love comes only after commitment is made. Known as agape, it is the form of love that is self-giving rather than self-receiving.)

4. I made a decision and commitment to follow Jesus as my Savior and Lord.

5. Once obedient to God, we were able to begin to love by His standards, not ours.

6. I became accountable to God for my behavior, thoughts, and actions, and became aware of my accountability to others.

C. COMMITMENT TO PARTNER

7. We/I made a decision to stay together.

8. We/I made a decision to forgive mate and myself.

9. I accepted my mate as he/she is.

D. CHANGED MYSELF

10. I realized that the problem was with myself.

11. I began looking at myself as needing change, to be able to love, no matter what. I became aware that I needed to change, became willing to change, learned what and how to change, and began to change with God’s help.

12. I made an examination of my role in our marriage, according to God’s word, and changed accordingly with God’s help.

13. I accepted change in my mate.

E. TRUST

14. Through Christ, I began trusting enough to increasingly put my whole self in the care of my mate.

15. I learned to communicate honestly, truthfully, and openly in love.

16. I learned to put God and mate ahead of myself (became humble before the Lord).

F. PROCESS

17. We are still in the process and realize that we must share what we have found with others.

Read Action Statement #1. Ask, “Who first gave you hope for your marriage?”

Read Action Statement #2. Ask, “When did you experience God’s love and forgiveness? How did you make a commitment to the Lord?”

Continue this process through the 17 Action Statements.

Posted in Divorce, Separation | Tagged Reconciliation, Resources | 2 Comments

Jesus, Healer of Marriages

Posted on March 15, 2010 by RichWildman

I cannot emphasize enough that Jesus is the Healer of marriages. He healed ours. He used many of the resources listed on our website – many of which point to Him. My encouragement is to persist in seeking Him through His Word, prayer, worship, and fellowship with His people. He has promised that He will never leave or forsake those who are His. He has also promised that those who seek will find Him.

Posted in Marriage, Separation | Tagged God/Jesus | 1 Comment

Four Marriages – Humorous

Posted on March 15, 2010 by RichWildman

OK, SO SHOOT ME. I COULDN’T RESIST – 4 MARRIAGES EXPLAINED

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. He’s a funeral director, she answered.

Interesting, the newsman thought. He then asked if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Found this at www.smartmarriages.com

Posted in Random | Leave a comment

Marriage on the Mend (Inverse Ministries)

Posted on March 15, 2010 by RichWildman

Our friends, Clint and Penny Bragg, wrote a book called Marriage on the Mend that specifically addresses issues couples face in the first five years of reconciliation. They are now producing podcasts that are companions to the book. You can see a list of the available podcasts here.

We are just over our five year mark for reconciliation and it hasn’t been all roses but our marriage has continue to improve by doing many of these things to keep strong and connected.

Posted in Divorce, Marriage, Separation | Tagged Reconciliation, Relationships, Resources | Leave a comment

Separated? Thinking you’d be better off with someone else?

Posted on March 15, 2010 by RichWildman

When you are separated, especially for a long time, even if you are the one who wants to save your marriage, it’s easy to start wondering if it would be easier just to give up on this relationship and start over again.

Time for a reality check. Each time you remarry your chance of another divorce increases. I think the trend goes something like 50% divorce rate for first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and maybe 70% or more for third.

Okay, maybe you will be one of the lucky ones and not be one of those statistics. From my observations whatever your real shortcomings in your first marriage were – and we all have shortcomings – if you don’t deal with them appropriately now they will come back to haunt you in your next marriage. Many times people will unwittingly pick out someone who is very similar to their first spouse, even the negative attributes. They may not see those things at first but they come out.

In some video I watched there was a testimony of a couple who each was divorced from their first spouse, had a wonderful whirlwind courtship, and then said it took seven years of hell to get their marriage to a good place. Listening to them inspired me that if someway, somehow Sharon and I could get back together we could make a lot of progress in seven years. I am thankful to report that we have.

Another study that has come out recently has shown that researchers surveyed partners who were in unhappy marriages for their overall level of happiness. Five years later they resurveyed the same people. Those people who had stayed together had overall more happiness in their life five years down the road than those who had split up.

Yes, some second and third marriages do work but the ones that I know personally have taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears on the part of both partners to get to that place, and most will admit, still have residue of pain from the first marriage. A few have even told me that if they had worked as hard on their first marriage as they have their second they would still have been together with their first partner.

Posted in Divorce, Separation | Tagged Struggling | Leave a comment

Wedding Rings During Separation (Part 2)

Posted on March 10, 2010 by RichWildman

For whatever reason my original post on this has gotten a lot of traffic which has led me to think more deeply about this subject.

One thing I have heard in my Christian experience is that outward symbols reflect an inner reality. For example, kneeling in prayer signifies humility before God, and baptism symbolizes our spiritual death, burial and resurrection.

So to me the wedding ring symbolizes unbroken love. An additional idea is that the circle represents eternal love, which goes along with our promise to love until death. Rings are usually made of gold or silver which are precious metals and symbolize the preciousness of our love and commitment.

During our separation just looking at my ring reminded me of the commitment I had made to love my wife. I think it also helped me recall our wedding day.

If you are separated spend some time asking yourself what it meant to you when you received it and what it means to you now.

Posted in Separation | Tagged Wedding Rings | 2 Comments