One of the things I do is observe marriages and stories of marriages. I have been reading George Stephanopoulos’ book, All Too Human, about working in the Clinton White House. Regardless of what you think of the Clintons’ politics, at very crucial times Hillary hung in there with Bill. Now it sounds like he has been making adjustments to enable her to be Secretary of State.

What I have been puzzled about is why some non-believing couples somehow have seemed to be able to pull together and work as a couple – many times not even in an admirable way, and yet so often many Bible-believing Christians just give up and divorce.

Yesterday was our 23rd wedding anniversary. I just want to say that I am thankful that our marriage has survived those years. This year we went for the simple celebration. We went to a state park. Went for a walk. Drove through downtown Annapolis, MD, by the Naval Academy – beautiful. Enjoyed the day. Went to supper at a favorite seafood restaurant. Came home and watched a movie. It was just a nice day. Other years we have done the romantic get away thing and that has been fun also.

Over the years we have had some highs and lows. We were thrilled to get married. Then in about the second year we were in marriage counseling. Then I got testicular cancer and had two surgeries and chemo. Not long after we recovered from that we had a big high with our twins being born.

Later in our marriage, we went on a 3.5 month trip together as a family which started out optimistically but by the end we weren’t doing so well relationally. Right before we got back, we really got on track with each other and had some good times together as a family.

A few years later we separated for 16 months. By God’s grace we reconciled and now help others. Now the kids are in college and we are adjusting to an empty nest and learning to just enjoy each other all over again. So I am thankful for our years together.

I hope this short time line helps others to remember the good in their marriages, and celebrate the victories over any prior challenges. I want to give hope to those currently facing challenges to persevere. God says He can do more than we can ask or imagine – and I know that to be true, because I have seen it in our own marriage.

I have just read that the movie Fireproof will be available for site license to churches so it can be shared in church settings. Even though the movie won’t be out on DVD for the general public until late January, you can get a site license for your church and start showing it New Year’s Eve.

Go to http://fireproofthemovie.com/splash_movieevent.php for more info. This would be a great resource to kick off a marriage ministry or to use as a marriage enhancement event.

If you are separated or divorced and are dreading the holidays, then you may want to check out Divorce Care’s website and go to the section “Surviving the Holidays.” There are some tips and videos on line.

Divorce Care also has a new one-session DVD called “Surviving the Holidays” that is available. If you are interested in a Divorce Care group, you can find them at their website. The philosophy behind most groups is that you can join in at any week of the series, so you might even be able to get started right away if there is an active group in your area.

I just came across another marriage resource, www.foryourmarriage.org. It is sponsored by Catholic bishops and even though I am not Catholic it seems to have some solid info.

I have read several articles about Barak and Michelle Obama’s marriage and I have enjoyed watching interviews they have done together as a couple. This one inspires me to be even more passionately in love with my wife and to continue to learn how to show that love publicly, but more importantly, privately.

www.huffingtonpost.com/kathlyn-and-gay-hendricks/obama-marriage-body-langu_b_144937.html

And here is an article by a guy who voted for McCain: http://tinyurl.com/5eyxbo

I have recently come across a new resource for marriages called www.growthtrac.com and www.growthtracradio.com. I haven’t had much time to study them but there appears to be a broad range of help for marriages. I really enjoy www.growthtracradio.com. It is radio on the web and has good worship music with just very short commercial interruptions.

One of the co-founders also writes at www.sherimueller.com. Sheri has training and has done work with marriage mentors, and I find her blog about marriage very insightful.

I watched the movie Fireproof on opening weekend in late September. Right after the movie I went across the street to Barnes and Noble and bought the book “The Love Dare”. The next day I started doing it. My daily notes are at www.thelovedare.blogspot.com.

One thing I realize is that when you break love down some things are pretty simple to do one step at a time. Some steps to actually walk out love are hard and really require the love of Jesus working through me to accomplish.

I was traveling out of state a good part of the time I was doing The Love Dare. Most of the dares I could do by phone or email; the ones I couldn’t I just waited until I got home. One site that was greatly encouraging was 40daylovedare.blogspot.com by Eric and Jennifer Garcia from AMFM (Association of Marriage and Family Ministries). They each blogged their daily love dares. Their authenticity was so refreshing. Sometimes Eric went first, sometimes Jennifer went first, sometimes they wrote jointly, and sometimes they missed a couple of days because of circumstances.

I do feel more in love with my wife after participating in The Love Dare, and now have a good reference to go back to when I need an attitude adjustment.

I would love to hear anyone else’s journey on The Love Dare.

I found the daily titles for The Love Dare to be a great description of love, and just reading them gives me a practical reminder of ways to love my wife.

1: Love is Patient
2: Love is Kind
3: Love is Not Selfish
4: Love is Thoughtful
5: Love is Not Rude
6: Love is Not Irritable
7: Love Believes the Best
8: Love is Not Jealous
9: Love makes Good Impressions
10: Love is Unconditional
11: Love Cherishes
12: Love Lets the Other Win
13: Love Fights Fair
14: Love Takes Delight
15: Love is Honorable
16: Love Intercedes
17: Love Promotes Intimacy
18: Love Seeks to Understand
19: Love is Impossible
20: Love is Jesus Christ
21: Love is Satisfied in God
22: Love is Faithful
23: Love Always Protects
24: Love vs. Lust
25: Love Forgives
26: Love is Responsible
27: Love Encourages
28: Love Makes Sacrifices
29: Love’s Motivation
30: Love Brings Unity
31: Love and Marriage
32: Love Meets Sexual Needs
33: Love Completes Each Other
34: Love Celebrates Godliness
35: Love is Accountable
36: Love is God’s Word
37: Love Agrees in Prayer
38: Love Fulfills Dreams
39: Love Endures
40: Love is a Covenant

I keep wrestling with what to say to struggling couples to really inspire them to go all out in saving their marriage. I keep practicing a message if a struggling couple comes to me wanting help.

I am so sorry that you are in pain as a couple. My wife and I have lived through a 16-month separation before reconciling, by God’s grace. I know these times are extremely painful for you. I want to tell you that there is hope, but to get to a better place it is going to take hard work, determination, and, probably surviving some more pain.

I plead with both of you to go together and see the movie “Fireproof”. Please be open to letting God work in your hearts. When you have seen the movie, I would like you to each get a copy of the book The Love Dare. I would like each of you to start doing The Love Dare individually. If there is something in there that just seems too difficult, please pray about it, and if you need to, email me and I’ll give you encouragement and pray for you. This resource was not available when we were separated, but many of the principles are ones God lead me through on our road to healing.

The neat thing about The Love Dare is that it will teach you practical Biblical ways to love your spouse. The Apostle Paul told us that love never fails.

I have participated in multiple Divorce Care groups (a divorce recovery group), and have known people who have gone through divorce. I have witnessed the pain people were having because of adultery, demolished finances, struggling children, etc. Please don’t go down that road; dare to love one another no matter how tough it is. It will be worth it.

Readers: Does anyone have ideas how to make effective appeals to couples to hold onto their marriages, regardless of whether Fireproof resources are part of the picture? Please share them with me, as I am always looking for more and better ways to encourage couples to fight for their marriages.