I thought these were two excellent videos that get to the heart of many of marriage struggles. John and Staci Eldredge and Joyce Meyer are all very open about their struggles in marriage and how Jesus has helped them. There are some pretty humorous clips at the end of second video. The overall take-away is that as we allow Jesus to heal us individually we can then love our spouses.
NOTE: This link takes you to her page with all videos. The ones you want to watch are March 21st and 22nd.
Are you in a conflicted marriage? Are you looking at your spouse and thinking thoughts like, I read and know my Bible more than my partner. I pray more than my partner. I go to church more than my partner. My partner has had an affair. They use pornography. They have a temper. Maybe I should just divorce my partner and marry someone more spiritual.
This may be an opportunity to humble yourself, get your eyes off your spouse and remember Jesus’ parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector from Luke 18:9-14.
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Sharon and are teaching a marriage coaching class at our church right now. We have had two couples participating that have each been married over 30 years.
I find this humbling that they would come to listen to us especially since one couple also does marriage education themselves; encouraging in that not all older couples are set in their ways unwilling to change; and inspiring that it reminds me that I need to keep being proactive about growing our marriage for the rest of our lives.
I have been very encouraged when I’ve been around the twenty-something generation lately. Many of them are hungry to strive to do relationships right and really want to know more. I applaud them.
I also challenge my generation of Baby Boomers to step up to the plate, learn more about relationships, strive to do better in their own relationships, and to have a vision to pass on to the younger generation their successes and failures.
Joy Eggerichs, Emerson’s daughter, blogs Love & Respect NOW and this series of five posts hits on the head the challenge women have of respecting and calling out good in the men around them.
Regardlesss of what kind of relationship you have with your spouse right now ask yourself what one small thing you could do today to express your love. Okay, now that you know what it is – do it!!!
Ideas
Kiss your spouse.
Compliment them.
Do a small chore for your spouse, without them asking. Maybe even something they normally do.
Write a short note, text, or email to your spouse.
Do one small thing that they have asked you to do and you haven’t gotten around to it.
Use your imagination, but do something.
Here are some simple romantic ideas.
Weekends away or fancy dinners are nice and wonderful, but for most couples they are not affordable very often. There are lots of simple things like the suggestions above that can be done on an ongoing basis to keep romance alive. They don’t have to cost much to make your spouse feel special.
During our separation, but also even now in striving to maintain and improve our marriage, I have come to the conclusion that I need to take all that I am learning and figure out what works for our marriage to be all that it can be – regardless if it is exactly what worked for someone else’s marriage.
One good example of that is in using communication tools. Over the last several years Sharon and I have been taught and we teach others various communication tools which were primarily designed to work verbally between partners.
Sometimes on difficult subjects I will use the same concepts from the tools to start the conversation by email. For whatever reason I tend to be more vulnerable and real in writing. Sharon is the opposite. She is often more able to respond verbally, although she will, for my benefit, at times take the effort to respond in writing.
Bottom line is that we are both dedicated to improving our marriage and we keep trying different things to see what is most effective for us. We also both reach out of our comfort zone a bit to try to meet each other where they are.
Last night for our devotions we each shared scripture from memory. We realize that there could come a time in our lives either in this nation or traveling to another nation that we might not have access to our Bibles, so we wanted to see what we already knew and to encourage one another. It was wonderful when one of us would start a passage, stumble a little but the other could finish it. We didn’t worry too much about chapter and verse (Jesus didn’t when He rebuked the devil – He just said “It is written.”). Try this sometime with your spouse or a friend.
During our separation I often reminded myself of 1 Cor 13:8 (NIV) – Love never fails. Over and over I asked myself what is the loving thing to do in this situation today with Sharon – whether we were together, or in a meeting with someone else, or not even talking at all. I strove to do what I believed was the loving thing at the time. I did not always succeed, but I had confidence in God’s Word that if I consistently loved her, good would come.
With Jesus’ help good did come. His love for both of us never failed and His love expressed through each other, to each other, even though we were imperfect, never failed. It is amazing what power one tiny piece of God’s Word can have in our lives when we seek to believe it and apply it to our lives.
stubborn-pursuits.com 