Whether you are in a solid marriage or a struggling marriage a couple of good questions to ask yourself on a regular basis, and then act upon your answers, are:
1. What is one thing I can do today to strengthen my relationship with God?
2. What is one thing I can do today to bless my spouse, regardless of what their reaction, or lack of reaction may be?
I wore my wedding ring throughout our 16-month separation. Although I can’t prove it I often wonder if my ring didn’t protect me from unwanted advances from women. I cannot think of a time in 16 months that I was hit upon in an inappropriate way.
Often I would go to a restaurant such as Applebee’s or Outback and get seated quickly by sitting at the bar and ordering food. One night in particular I remember sitting on the corner with a lady seated diagonally from me and then a man on the other side of her. They were talking loud enough I could pretty well tell that most likely they did not know one another. I don’t remember exactly what they said but it was just a friendly conversation, nothing particularly romantic, sexy, or whatever. They chatted up a storm, but I barely got her to acknowledge me and say hello.
I often wondered if she saw my ring and shied away from engaging me in conversation, which was a good thing since I wanted to preserve my marriage. I realize that wearing the ring sometimes helped keep temptation at bay.
The sadness and anger of children effected by divorce really comes through in these pictures. I wish more people really thought about the effects of divorce on their children.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/07/kids-depict-their-parents_n_805593.html#s220329
John Piper, a well known preacher and writer, took a sabbatical for the last eight months. In the following post he gives an update on that sabbatical. I admire his wisdom and humility in his comments on marriage about half way down the post. Just goes to show how all of us, no matter how long we are married or how well we know scripture, need to intentionally keep working on our marriages – even if there is no major crisis.
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/john-pipers-report-on-his-leave-of-absence
If you are separated or divorced, I am so sorry for your pain during this season. Thankfully we were only separated one year, but the holidays were extremely painful.
I thought this post by Kay Arthur offered a lot of encouragement if you are alone.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/notes/kay-arthur/its-christmas-eve-are-you-feeling-alone/475752831555
During our trip for our 25th anniversary my wife and I had some great conversation around two questions.
A. What do we think we have done right the last 25 years that we need to continue and to build upon?
B. What are some areas of concern that we need to make some adjustments so that in another 25 years we aren’t filled with regret about what might have been?
I would encourage married couples to have a conversation like this no matter how long you have been married. It might really help you affirm and grow your relationship like it did for us.
We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last Tuesday and are so thankful to Jesus for getting us this far. Here are a few reflections we had over the past 25 years.
We have seen “for better”:
The birth and growth of our twins, Matt and Sarah, times of fun and connectedness, our reconciliation, and some nice travel experiences both domestically and internationally.
We have seen “for worse”:
A 16-month separation and many years of being emotionally disconnected before that.
We have seen “for richer”:
We have had some profitable years in farming.
We have seen “for poorer”:
We went through a season where it looked like we were headed towards bankruptcy.
We have seen “in sickness”:
I (Richard) had testicular cancer at 30 years old and went through two surgeries and chemo. I also had severe depression before and during our separation.
We have seen “in health”:
Over the years, other than the cancer and my depression, we have had relatively good health.
For me (Richard) the separation was far worse than the financial problems or even the cancer. I struggled more to find hope during our separation than during my sickness, but praise Jesus we are still together.
I think Mark Gungor of “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” gives an excellent word picture in this article inspiring us to deal with marriage problems when they arise rather than burying them for years. Certainly easier said than done, but the efforts are well worth it.
To keep myself on top of what is happening with marriage and to keep my own marriage fresh I browse lots of different marriage blogs.
One blog that I follow is www.themarryblogger.com. They are having a contest for the top ten marriage blogs. They have 45 blogs nominated and they are listed in the following post. I haven’t been able to review them all yet, so I make no guarantees about which ones are great or not so great. Would love to hear your thoughts on any of these blogs.
http://www.themarryblogger.com/marriage/the-top-10-marriage-blog-finalists-for-2010/
These are awesome blogs posts by Shannon Ethridge about interacting with Jesus to deal with some very strong emotions. This is a very similar process to what Jesus took my wife and me through on the way to healing our marriage.
If you are dealing with some strong feelings that you just can’t seem to shake I highly recommend something like this because I have also experienced increasing freedom over time when I’ve done similar things. Don’t feel like you have to take five days away if that is not possible, but do a little bit at a time. Jesus will work all the details out for your situation. He worked out mine.
Part 1 – The Mad-Sad-Glad Sabbatical
Part 2 – Facing Our Fears
Part 3 – Let the Pillows Fly!
Part 5 – Let the Dancing Begin!
stubborn-pursuits.com 