Marriage Promises Compared to Loan Promises

Traditional marriage vows, which are used or slightly modified by a high percentage of couples getting married, go something like this, “I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death us do part.”

Traditionally the man speaks his vows first and then the woman. Notice that there are no if’s, and’s, or but’s, and no escape clauses. Notice the man makes his promises before the woman makes any promises, and her promises are not conditional upon him filling his promises. Also notice that the length of time for the vow is “until death do us part.”

Now compare this to common language used in Loan Agreements for cars, equipment, mortgages for houses, etc.

I happened to pull out my Loan Agreement from John Deere Financial for my tractor. It reads in part, “You agree to pay us the amount financed, together with finance charges from the date finance charges begins at the annual percentage rate, by remitting each of the installment payments on or before the due dates indicated.” Then in CAPS it states “YOUR PAYMENT OBLIGATIONS ARE ABSOLUTE AND UNCONDITIONAL, AND ARE NOT SUBJECT TO CANCELLATION, REDUCTION, OR SETOFF FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER”.

In other words, it does not matter if I don’t like the tractor, if I bought the tractor too big or too small, or even if John Deere sold me a lemon tractor, or if I have a bad crop or if crop prices are low, I have promised John Deere Financial that I will pay them. Period.

Then later in the contract they have a whole section about default, i.e. if I don’t pay them, and then even more sections about remedies for them if I did not pay, which include them taking the tractor back, selling it, and charging me for any loss they take, and attorneys fees, etc. etc. These kinds of clauses are in almost every loan or mortgage you sign.

I think many couples go into the marriage with the intention of it being a very serious life long comitment with no outs, but then when things get tough, they start looking for the escape clauses like they are used to in every loan. However, if you really look at the promises that they said to each other, there are no escape clauses. Those are the promises that they said to each other in front of God, family and friends.

Getting a marriage license from the state allows you to get legally married, but the actual act of getting married is the promises you make to each other in front of someone sanctioned by the state to sanction those promises you make to each other.

In my mind, if you are a Christian, when you are facing a divorce there are three key things to think about in deciding what to do. They are, “What does the Bible say about marriage and divorce?” “What promises did I make?” and “What are the rules of my state?”.

I have blogged about the Bible’s view on marriage and divorce and the laws on marriage and divorce at other times, so today I just wanted to focus on the promises that couples typically make.

One thing we know from scripture is that God takes promises very seriously. Proverbs 20:25 (Amplified Bible) says, “It is a snare to a man to utter a vow [of consecration] rashly and [not until] afterward inquire [whether he can fulfill it]”.

What do you think about the permanence of the marriage vows?

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Divorce Law in Ohio: An Overview

I am not a lawyer, and during our 16-month marital separation I never hired a family law attorney. We did hire a professional divorce mediator and I had extensive talks with her and I did some reading. Each state is different but I think a lot of principles are very similar from state to state.

In Ohio you can get a voluntary dissolution. This is where both husband and wife agree on all issues as far as property division, child support, visitation, etc. and then ask the judge to dissolve their marriage.

You can also have a legal separation in Ohio. You can both agree to stay married but live separately and you agree on the issues such as property settlement, child support, and visitation, then you ask the judge to grant a legal separation. The main difference between a legal separation and a dissolution or divorce is that while you are legally separated you cannot remarry.

Also in Ohio, you can file for divorce. A divorce is basically a lawsuit between husband and wife. The judge will hear all the evidence from both husband and wife and then he will make a ruling as to the property division, child support, visitation, etc. My understanding is that Ohio is a no-fault divorce state so that if one partner wants out of a marriage, eventually they will get their divorce regardless of whether their partner wants one.

Ohio does a little known and little used clause in it’s divorce laws where one party can ask the judge to order counseling for the couple. It is up to the judge’s discretion as to whether to make that order or not.

In Ohio you can use a mediator outside of the court to help both parties come to an agreement on all the issues. I do not know the law well enough to know if the judge can order mediation or not.

My general understanding is that the starting point for calculating child support is a formula that looks at the incomes of each partner, where the child would be living and many other things. The judge can rule something different after hearing all of the circumstances.

I know this blog is read by people in many states and countries so I urge you to check your local laws. Hopefully, what I have shared is a good starting point to help you know what questions to ask in your own jurisdiction.

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The Power of Facebook’s “Like”

The other day I made a post on Facebook and I realized that I had a feeling of being encouraged when a couple of people liked it. I started thinking, “Why would such a simple thing as a Facebook like give me a positive boost? I don’t think of myself as an attention junkie. Maybe I am one and don’t know it.”

I think it may be that it is just an indication that someone cared enough about me as a person to take time to read my thoughts and to click like to let me know. It is especially encouraging when I see likes from people I don’t know well or haven’t seen for a while or with whom I have had a rocky relationship. I also get encouraged on Sharon’s behalf when she posts something and several people like it.

On the flip side, I can also find joy in liking someone’s Facebook post. Having family and friends all across the theological and political spectrum there are times someone may get into a mode of posting several things that irk me because we see life so differently. Or maybe I have been in a conflict with someone and don’t have lots of warm fuzzy feelings about them right now. Being able to just like a post of theirs reminds me that although there maybe much in life we don’t agree upon, for at least one post, there is something we can.

I also got to thinking about the power we have with our spouses, children or friends to just pay a very simple compliment which may encourage them that day.

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A Good Day Not In Front of a Divorce Judge

During some of the bleakest times of our separation I finally came to a peace that every day not standing in front of a divorce judge was a good day. I learned that sometimes when a person gets way down emotionally they have to hold onto the tiniest shred of hope to make it through one more day.

Sharon had discussed filing for divorce against my wishes, we had tried mediation and that had broken down, and so we had gone into a time of minimal communication. We communicated about the essentials in the farm business since she paid the bills and I managed the farm and did a lot of the work. We communicated minimally about our children. Otherwise there was little happening between us.

I was desperately lonely and hurt and wanting back together and fighting to overcome hopelessness and depression. The many things that I had tried to help us get back together seemed to be of no help. Finally, at some point, I was able to tell myself, “I am alive and life is worth living. I don’t know what life will look like in the future, but we are not in front of a divorce judge today so there is still hope for our marriage. Today is a good day.”

 

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Marriage Miracle

I really liked this post from a blog called Giving Up On Perfect. The key sentence to me was “Except…it wasn’t like every other time” towards the end of the blog post.

Sharon and I truly believe Jesus did a miracle in reconciling our marriage. That doesn’t mean we are blissfully happy 365/24/7, but I believe one of the miracles is that when we encounter issues now that have dogged us for years, we seem to have a new ability to talk through them to a better resolution than in the past and we don’t go through the multiple days of being disconnected like we used to. We are so thankful for the new attitudes Jesus has put in our hearts towards each other and the tools that He has brought to us from many different sources.

What miracle has Jesus given to you or what miracle do you pray to have in your marriage?

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Confessions of a Marriage Blogger

My fellow bloggers have been doing some confessions lately at One Flesh Marriage, The Generous Wife, Hot, Holy and Humorous, The Romantic Vineyard, and Intimacy in Marriage. I got inspired to share also.

1. I get very frustrated when my blogging platform, WordPress, changes menus and things around. When I park my tractor in the barn at night and go back in the morning the gearshift and throttle are still where they were last night when I parked it. Now if John Deere does a software upgrade on the electronics on the tractor GPS it can be just as frustrating as WordPress, especially if I am fired up to plant that day.

2. I go through lots of blogging dry spells. I will get on a roll and have a lot to say but then I will either have nothing to say. Sometimes I just don’t have the time and energy to say it, or I don’t take the time and energy to say it.

3. I write most of this blog but my wife does much of the fixing of my sentence structure and grammar. If you read this before her edits you would be either confused or cringe.

4. At times my wife will read what I wrote and have to come ask me what in the world I am talking about.

5. Once in a while she will send a post back to me because she doesn’t have a clue as to what I am trying to say and can’t make sense of it – although it probably seemed perfectly clear to me.

6. I really appreciate seeing visitors to the blog from around the world.

7. It means a lot to me when we get respectful comments.

8. Our marriage still goes through ups and downs. The difference before our separation until now is that now one of us will realize that we are heading the wrong way and will remind us that we know better and don’t have to live the old way. We remind each other to  use the principles and tools that we teach others. We get back on track a lot quicker than we did in the past.

9. I am impressed with the number of great marriage blogs available.

10. Someday I think I should spend time linking to more marriage blogs.

11. Sometimes I wonder if I am making a difference blogging, but I try to remember that Jesus is my Audience of One, and I want to please Him in what I say.

12. I appreciate our readers and I hope that at least one person every day gets at least one helpful idea, or one more ounce of hope for their marriage and life.

13. My best think time is on the tractor, but those are the nights that by the time I get home I don’t have the energy to blog.

14. I love it when Sharon does a post. I think they are great.

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Guest Post by Andre Furmanov

The FurmanovsOur friend, Andre Furmanov, from Vyborg Christian Church in Vyborg, Russia (near the Finnish border), wrote a very thoughtful and encouraging newletter this week about suffering. We would like to share it with you with his permission.

Dear friends!

This is not a typical news letter. Rather a few shorts shared with you in the documents attached. [See below this part of the letter.]

During Lent I reread the book by one of my favorite authors, Randy Alcorn “IF GOD IS GOOD” about the problem of suffering in the world. Right around Easter I received a precious gift from a very dear friend from England, who sent me a book that she had written called “WHY?” dwelling on the same issue of of pain and suffering. It is some HEAVY (read – EMOTIONAL) kind of reading, which, I have to confess, I seem to enjoy (No, I am not afraid to use this word in relation to the topic). Reading about suffering and taking part in daily life situations that involves such, we do grow and mature. Through all the trials the Lord seems to prepare us as a church and me as a person for reaching out to a greater number of people, but in the first place to be a reflection of His light through daily choices, acting joyfully and living out His peace that surpasses all understanding …..

In his wonderful epistle James shares a very well known thought:  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

I could not help but share with you some of the thoughts on the matter, which happened to be more relevant than ever….they will not be many…. I did not want to overwhelm you. But I am sure some of you are going through serious pain and suffering even as we speak. Please, be encouraged, all of this has a meaning and a purpose, and there is a way which will help you see the light and become victors in any situation, any seemingly impossible circumstances.

Love to all of you.
Andre (for the whole family, too)

Our church had had a 40 days fast and prayer chain before this year’s Easter celebration, during which we read and discussed the book by Randy Alcorn, “IF GOD IS GOOD”, about the problem of suffering in the world. Having learned about suffering theoretically we ended up putting our knowledge to practice.  Thus it was not a surprise that various trials began to fall on our congregation as spring rain or even more like summer shower.

In the course of a month several drastic things happened shook us up quite a bit – there was a fire in the house of one of the church families, as the result of which many life-sustaining articles were lost, a family who adopted a child from an orphanage learned the very same day that the husband had melanoma and chances of him staying alive were 50/50. A father of one of the men in our church, who we tried to witness to for years was diagnosed with cancer and died but a few weeks later. A lady who had just given birth to a baby had a bad case of mastitis and returned back to the hospital leaving the newborn to her husband’s care. Several men were going out of business and a number of church people lost their jobs due to unexpected job cuts. The list of struggles can be continued. We look at the evil and suffering in the world – horrifying events as the recent bombing at the Boston Marathon, and the scope of pain feels overwhelming.

As humans we avoid pain and suffering tending to run away from things that hurt. It’s too much to take in. However, God’s eyes roam the earth. Nothing escapes His attention. He hears the cries of His people.  He is not distant and unfeeling. He is a God who is near and is compassionate. He describes Himself to us through Scripture. “The Lord is gracious and righteous; …. full of compassion.” Psalm 116:5 Our problem is that we tend to move from ignorance about suffering to being paralyzed by it. When we start looking at the same pain that God does, we are likely to discover that it’s astounding. It’s humbling. It’s too much. We often don’t know what to do and so, we do nothing because it’s all so overwhelming. Yet, even though it is so difficult and painful, we should care about those, who are suffering.  Why? Because if Jesus cares, we should too. That simple.

It is amazing how much closer to the Lord we have become as a church during the past month and a half. The congregation manifested love through amazing acts of care for those in need. Nadya and I were overwhelmed with everyone’s readiness to bless those who needed finances, encouragement, kind words and help. Many of our hours were spent at the bed of those dying, as we were giving comfort and shared the Gospel with them.

It was a very difficult but blessed time for all of us. And even though things have not got settled altogether still, we feel like we are ready for a new round of heated battles with the darkness. We as the church became stronger and more united in our desire to serve the One, who took upon Himself the suffering of the whole world.

Christian life seems to be full of paradoxes – even in the midst of trials and tribulation there is peace that surpasses all understanding, even death itself becomes the greatest gain while for many it remains the greatest enemy, the greatest loss. It all depends on what you do with Jesus.

The Gospel is good news, and the good news is that God’s Son died for our sins and rose again the third day to be our living Savior. Once we open your heart to Him, He gladly comes in to be our friend during this pilgrim journey on earth: and then one day, He will take His own to live with Him forever in Heaven.

We keep serving Him counting it all joy.

Andre, Nadya, Emily, Erika and Elsie

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Our Trip to Israel

The short version of our trip to Israel is that Sharon and I were with two of our pastors to help them facilitate a First Steps discipleship conference to primarily Russian Messianic Jewish pastors, and to speak a few minutes about our marriage testimony and our marriage ministry. We had a great time and learned a lot.

Now for the longer version. I am going to get into quite a bit of background and details because I think it may help you have a better understanding of who we are and some of the people and experiences that have influenced us.

We traveled with Grant Edwards, our senior pastor from Fellowship Christian Church in Springfield, Ohio, Rick Ives the missions pastor from Fellowship, and Russian interpreter and administrator of Russians Reaching RussiansDenis Koslov.

Rick Ives and Grant Edwards at Jaffa Gate

Rick Ives and Grant Edwards at Jaffa Gate

Denis Koslov

Denis Koslov

Grant grew up in a local church in Springfield but as a teenager made a decision to leave the faith and became a hippie and drug user. When he was 19 he had an encounter with Jesus who set him free from the drugs and gave him a passion to reach out to his friends about Jesus. Within months of his conversion he had led over 100 of his friends to Christ. However, he saw many quickly fall away.

This greatly concerned and frustrated him, so over the years he developed a program originally called Discipling Another to Love Jesus and but now called First Steps.  This is a 10-week program that is designed to be used one-on-one with new believers or older believers who never got a good foundation in the faith. It helps them understand the fundamentals of the Christian faith and how to walk it out. First Steps has been used across the U.S. in churches and prisons and in many foreign countries such as Russia, the Philippines, Cambodia, Cuba, India and more.

The early days of Grant’s ministry were mainly a youth ministry. Sharon got involved when she was 14 and accepted Jesus and I got involved when I was 16 years old. By the time we were married the ministry was morphing into a church. Grant was one of the co-pastors that officiated our wedding.

Rick Ives grew up an atheist and then got saved. About 22 years ago he was a youth pastor in Indiana. He and his wife Heather took a trip to Israel and were on the flight home when he had a very strong impression that they were to move to Russia and start a ministry – not too long after the “wall” came down. He had no desire to go to Russia, but in obedience he did and lived there for about four years helping start churches and grow relationships.

Grant never had a desire to go to Russia but felt led by God to go visit Rick and Heather, even though he had only met them once when they visited our church networked by some people they all knew in common. They hit it off and have been working together ever since.

Sharon went on her first missions trip to Russian Orthodox Jews in New York City and then she, Grant and many others went on a missions trip to Russia in 1996 and met up with Rick and Heather. A year or two later the kids and I went to Russia with her. Sharon has now been six times and I have been five times all to the St. Petersburg area ministering in churches, orphanages and more.

After four years in Russia, Rick and Heather moved back to the States, and then eventually moved to Springfield for Rick to work at Fellowship. Rick overseas all of our church’s missions around the world, still working closely with Russia.

Denis Koslov grew up in Russia and became a Christian. He had an interest in America for years which eventually led him to become an intepreter. Early in Rick’s Russia ministry, Denis started interpreting for Rick and the teams that visited and is now the chief interpreter as well as the Russian administrator of Russians Reaching Russians. Plans are being made for his family and him to move to Ohio in the next year to take over more of the active management of the ministry and to lead American teams to Russia. When Sharon and I first met Denis he was in his early twenties still learning the basics of the faith . . . and English.

About the same time we met Denis we met another young Russian, Yan Volkov. He was just out of prison, had a sweet spirit about him and really took a liking to our kids.

(Yes, I know I am giving a lot of background, but I think it will help you to understand just how amazing this trip was and how God has worked to connect all the dots.)

A year ago we went went on a guided tour of Israel with a group from our church. We saw many of the important Biblical sights in Israel and really learned a lot but did not interact with the people much. At the end of that trip Grant and Rick extended their stay to meet with a couple of Russian pastors that Yan Volkov had told them they should see. Yan is now very involved in TBN/Russia. There is a huge contingent of Russian Christians in Israel, many with a Jewish background. In that meeting a year ago Grant and Rick laid the foundations for the First Steps conference held this year.

What Sharon, Grant, Rick and I knew before our trip this year was that we would be presenting a First Steps conference to primarily Russian Messianic Jewish pastors in Tel Aviv. Sharon and I had been asked to go along to share about our marriage testimony/ministry depending upon the time available. We also thought we had a couple of mostly free days in Jerusalem to just enjoy the time there.

Tel Aviv

Tel Aviv

Our first full day in Tel Aviv was their Sabbath and our hotel was on the beach of the Mediterraean within a couple of miles of Jaffa. A lot of people were surfing, riding bikes, walking and just enjoying the weekend and the marvelous weather. It was warm compared to Ohio but not warm enough for me to be in the water. It was a gorgeous day to be outside and we got to see people do some traditional dancing, playing paddle ball, and playing volleyball with no hands.

Old Jaffa Square

Old Jaffa Square

Grant, Rick and Denis rented bikes and road to Jaffa. Sharon and I took a taxi. Jaffa is a very old port city and was the town where Peter had the vision of the sheet at Simon the Tanner’s house showing him that God wanted Gentiles to be welcomed in the church.  It was awesome to sit in our hotel at night and see the lights of Jaffa and realize that so many years ago, right in that town, God had supernaturally communicated with someone to welcome Gentiles (i.e. us) into the church.

Conference

Conference

Our second day was the conference day. We were stunned when we got there. Not only were there Russian speaking pastors, but people from the Philippines, Congo, Ethiopia, Israel, China, America, France, and native Israelis. Some spoke English and some didn’t. Mostly their native language and Hebrew. One of the pastors spoke five languages and as he came down the row I heard him greet people in Russian, Hebrew, and English – switching languages as he went down the row. It was amazing to realize that the scripture  about God regathering His people from the four corners of the earth back to Israel is being fulfilled before our very eyes in this time.

Practicing a discipleship lesson.

Practicing a discipleship lesson.

Because of traffic concerns the conference started later than planned and ended earlier than planned so Grant and Rick did what is normally a one-and-half-day conference in about four hours. We were able to speak at lunch about our testimony and ministry for about ten minutes and I think between the inquiries we got and that Denis got there were about nine separate people who wanted to know more about what we do. It was a great response for the limited time and we were so honored to speak.

The next day we packed up and left our hotel in Tel Aviv and went to Haifa to meet a couple of Russians Messianic pastors who have converted an old monastery into a Christian community dedicated to helping people come out of drug and alcohol addiction and starting over in life. They not only have a mission there in Haifa but have some rehabilitation houses in Pennsylvania.

Later in the day we moved on to Jerusalem. Grant and Rick had been invited to meet with the pastor who is the voice of TBN in Israel. They taped a segment about First Steps that was interpreted into Russian.

Unfortunately, I had a little detour and was unable to go to the taping. About a month ago I had a crown put on a tooth in America. Everything seemed in order and I hadn’t been experiencing any pain. In other words I thought my teeth problems were good to go.

After I got to Israel I started experiencing some tooth pain, so I began using some pain killers and antibiotics. By the time we left Tel Aviv my face was starting to swell. I was in contact with my dentist at home and as I continued to worsen he told me I needed to find a dentist now. My wife and teammates were growing concerned.

From the Old City market rooftop

From the Old City market rooftop

After we checked into the hotel in Jerusalem I asked the front desk if they knew of an English speaking dentist. She commented that my face was swollen and promptly got on the phone to find a dentist for me. Fortunately she found one who would see me after business hours and who was a short cab ride away. She gave me directions to the dentist in Hebrew and handed me a business card with the hotel address in Hebrew and called a cab for us. We had no idea what it might cost and we knew we had to pay in cash so we counted our dollars for the dentist and for the cab and prayed it would be enough.

The cab took us right there. The receptionist and the dental assistant spoke no English but the dentist did. He had to remove the crown and do a root canal and put back a temporary crown. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic that we were able to get filled in the same building. We were thankful the bill was only about $350, and my swelling and pain were arrested. I will have more work done here at home, but was so thankful that Jesus provided me with the help I needed so I didn’t get worse, especially for the plane ride home.

Jerusalem - Dinner with Oleg, Vasilly and OrenWe had dinner that night with three pastors – one from Siberia.

The next day the pastor with TBN invited Grant and Rick to speak to his church leadership team and we went along. It was basically a round table discussion about leadership principles and I thought it went very well.

In the afternoon we went to the markets in Jerusalem. I hate shopping in general and thankfully there were three men and Sharon – who is not a window shopper, but if she knows what is needed she does a good job finding it and bargaining for it. Bottom line is that she acted as a personal shopper for Grant and Rick and kept bargaining with the shop keepers to get good deals and I mostly hung out and people-watched.

The Western or Wailing Wall

The Western or Wailing Wall

The Menorah for the 3rd Temple

The Menorah for the 3rd Temple

We did get to the Western Wall also known as the Wailing Wall. The wall is actually part of what is left of platform from Herodian times that the temple was built upon. I think we all had a realization that although it is a very revered place, being with our Christian brothers and sisters was much more moving than being at the Wall. Yes it is special, but the people are so much more special.

Jerusalem from pastor's office

Jerusalem from pastor’s office

Denis Koslov and Daniel Rozen

Denis Koslov and Daniel Rozen

On our last day a multi-lingual pastor who is the head of the association of churches that invited us over took us for a drive in the area around Jerusalem. We had some incredible and encouraging conversations with him. He took us to a kosher Jewish bakery which was a special treat and then showed us his office in downtown Jerusalem with a beautiful view of much of the city. He also took us to the overlook in Jerusalem where all the major news media do their reports. It was amazing that he, Grant, Rick and Denis had various common friends around the world – in Russian and the Philippines especially.

Sometimes in these international situations I can feel like such a slacker. I meet these people that speak multiple languages and I struggle with just English. Then they know a lot about America and what is going on here, and I know only a little about what goes on in their country and often about half of what I know is wrong because it came from our media. But it is wonderful the kinship you can feel as Christian brothers and sisters even though we come from very different cultures.

So many things on this trip just blew my mind. When I think about the early Russian trips and Denis and Yan being so young and now Yan is well known and has contacts not only in Russia but in Israel. Denis was just an interpreter but now is a pastor with contacts all over the world. It is just amazing to see their growth and what God has done in their lives.

When I think about my youth listening to Grant preach when he wasn’t through Bible college yet, and my vague memories of Sharon as a very shy teenager. We are all from a relatively unknown town and now are half way around the world ministering. It is amazing.

When I see the Bible coming to life with the Jews being regathered in Israel – it is stunning.

When Grant, Rick, Denis and our hosts start talking and in one conversation they are mentioning people they mutually know from around the world and common places they have been, it is very interesting.

When I see people get excited about the First Steps material that Grant has developed it gets me even more excited about discipleship. (I think Sharon went through the first class Grant ever did at the church.)

When I walk through Israel and Jerusalem and see Bible sites that I have read about for years it encourages my faith.

We don’t know if we’ll ever go back to Israel, but we are grateful for this time meeting Jewish believers and learning more about their way of life.

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Mark Gungor: Selling Divorce

This is a great post by Mark Gungor of Laugh Your Way talking about the long-term, sometimes unintended consequences of divorce.

Selling Divorce

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Mowing the Grass

We went to a marriage conference this past weekend and one of the audience members had a great analogy about working on your relationship.

He said that if you put off mowing the grass when it needs be mowed it eventually gets very tall and hard to mow. You have to go slower to mow and work a lot harder at it. Once you get it mowed back down to a normal height it is pretty easy to keep it mowed.

It is the same way in relationships. If we let all of our relationship issues pile up and never deal with them, it can be quite hard to work through them when we finally do try to tackle them. If we work on our relationship issues a little at a time as they come up, they don’t get so bad. His recommendation was to keep the grass mowed!

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