For who in the skies above can compare with the LORD?
~ Psalm 89:6
(The skies above our farm last night.)
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The Skies
Testimony/Surviving Down Days
There were days during our separation where I was so down it was hard to function. One thing I found helpful on those days was to speak aloud the Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm. Usually, a little while later I would have at least a ray of hope again. I looked at those two scriptures sort of like a soldier does his rifle. He never wants his rifle too far from him in a danger zone because even though it is simple it is his most basic defensive weapon.
In Ephesians 6:10-18 the Apostle Paul mentions one piece of our spiritual armor being the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. These two scriptures were so simple but so powerful for me. If you are struggling please pick out a couple of verses that give you hope and write them on index cards and carry them with you to pull out and read as a reminder that God is with you.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ~ Eph. 6:10-18 (NIV)
Nurturing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
This was a great post by Julie Sibert about how important sexual intimacy is in marriage. She emphasizes that when sexual intimacy in marriage is going well the couple does better in all of life, and if there are struggles there is help.
What I like about Julie is that she is open about her past mistakes in this area of her first marriage, but has chosen a new path in her second marriage.
A Wedding Weekend
Last weekend Richard and I had the privilege of witnessing two dear friends, Mike and Beth, joined together in marriage. They met while bicycling not far from Beth’s house because that’s a passion each has. They love each other and they love Jesus.
They love Jesus and that love gives them a firm foundation to build their relationship and marriage on. They trust Jesus to continue to work in each of them – molding, building, carving, and refining character qualities that will be of use to themselves and others. They believe they can better fulfill the callings God has placed on each of them better together than apart.
They didn’t shy away from learning new ways of forging a God-glorifying relationship. They worked through a pre-marital curriculum, learned communication and conflict resolution skills and marriage coaching skills. They want to do more and better with their marriage. They want to bless God and others through it.
Congratulations, Mike and Beth!
Testimony/The Hardest Part
I think the hardest part of our separation for me to handle was when Sharon made it clear that she did not want reconciliation, was unwilling to work on being reconciled, and that her plan was to divorce. It was so hard for me to realize that she had given up on us as a couple. I remember being at my neighbors’ house sharing with them and just in tears that I couldn’t believe that she had given up.
It was hard because over the years I had seen Sharon hang in there with our kids, family members, friends, church relationships, etc. through various ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad times. I had also watched her to be a woman of her word. She was very good about doing what she said she would do, and she was very concerned about honoring any promises.
Based on all I had seen in the past I was in total shock that she would go against her solemn word to me to love until death do us part, and that she would give up on us. I could grasp that we had major problems and that some of them were my problems. I could somewhat grasp that she didn’t have lots of loving feelings for me, but I could not get a handle on her giving up on the relationship.
I am so thankful that in the long run she did give our marriage one more try by going to a PAIRS workshop and that we reconciled. I am so thankful that Jesus inspired in me the perseverance not to give up hope for our marriage even when it looked like it was over.
(For the beginning of our story go to this post.)
Testimony/Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce
Somehow, probably through Sharon’s counselor, I heard of a DVD series titled “Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce.” It is a video series with a stark look at what you are facing if you choose to divorce. Ideally a couple watches the five DVD’s together about such issues as legal, emotional, financial, kids, and reconciliation. Each partner also agrees to delay any legal action and to do a detailed Bible Study about divorce.
Sharon was not interested in watching the series with me. I watched two or three sessions myself and then discussed them with a counselor. During the process I became more determined to continue to fight for my marriage because I realized how stark the reality of divorce was. There were some wonderful testimonies at the end of the series that gave me new hope that we could turn things around in our relationship.
This series is put out by the same people that offer Divorce Care and is in a somewhat similar format. To purchase the series go to Before You Divorce. I highly recommend this if either of you are thinking about divorce, and even if your spouse won’t watch it with you.
(For the beginning of our story go to this post.)
Separation/Divorce Resources
This is an excellent compilation of resources about Separation and Divorce from Divorce Care. I highly recommend looking through these if you need help.
Love and War
John and Stasi Eldredge have a great book and DVD series out called “Love and War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of”. I read the book a while back but Sharon and I are now going through the video series.
The other night they mentioned how both marriage partners are like cracked cups in our humanity. What so often happens is that we look to our partner to fill our leaky cup with the contents of their leaky cup. It usually doesn’t work too well and we often got frustrated at our partner for not fulfilling our needs – some of which can only be filled by God. What does help is when each partner goes to God, gets refreshed in their own way, and then with His Spirit overflowing through them, each has something to give their partner.
Posted in Marriage, Random
Tagged Couples, Education, Love, Relationships, Resources, Videos
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Masters Degree in Marriage
I thought this was an excellent post that emphasizes the importance of putting as much time and effort into our marriages as we would a Masters degree, and that the ultimate judge of how well we did in our marriage is Christ.
When “Love Subsides”
This quote from a post on the Marriage Missions International website reminded me how quickly so many of us give up on our relationships before we give them a chance. We are sucked into the culture’s answer of divorce when the romantic feelings disappear.
“Right here, many couples quit. When the feelings of being in love are gone, they think it’s gone forever, and they’ll never get it back. So they throw in the marital towel. ‘It was a nice run, but this is the end of the road.’ The relationship is, for all intents and purposes, over. A slow, hideous death begins. The couple will do one of two things. They’ll stay together out of duty and just bump along in a cold, emotionless marriage. Or, they’ll get divorced and try again with a new partner, and often the same cycle takes place.
“The culture’s answer to this loss is divorce. Culture says: ‘Look, nobody stays together forever. Life is too short to keep on suffering in this marriage. You have only 70 or 80 years to live. Get out while you’re still young enough to attract someone else. The kids will be fine. You’re just hurting the kids anyway by staying in your marriage.’
“Millions of persons, followers and non-followers of Christ are taking culture’s advice. I should say Satan’s advice. That’s who is really sending this message. It’s too bad, because those who leave marriage when the emotions leave never get to the good stuff. They quit too soon! Real, deep, lasting love is only reached after your initial emotional feelings run out, after the “cloud nine” experience. That’s when you can build the marriage God wants you to have.
You can build the marriage God wants you to have and get to the good stuff! Educate yourself on how to bring those loving feelings back. Remember and do the little things you used to do when you were dating and just married. The actions of doing those loving behaviors will bring the feelings back. We know. We had to do those to reconcile and we still have to choose to do them every day.
We are quick to think negative thoughts about our spouse throughout the day – character defects, irritations, misunderstandings – but Philippians 4:8-9 says that we need to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy and put them into action. What are those things about your spouse that are praiseworthy, admirable, or noble? Make a list of them and put telling your spouse what they are into action either in person or in an email or card. Think about those things during the day and I guarantee your attitude will change for the positive and your feelings of love and appreciation will return.
stubborn-pursuits.com 