Here is a link to a series of articles on divorce and separation from Focus on the Family. This section of the Focus website also has a lot of good information on various issues regarding marriage.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/divorce_and_separation.aspx
Here is a YouTube clip of Wendy Jaffe who wrote “The Divorce Lawyers’ Guide to Staying Married.” I have read most of the book and I thought it gave many good insights.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nBmj2S2KtQ&NR=1&feature=fvwp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_tvtgKzyog&feature=related
This is just one video of many that you can find at YouTube by Michelle Weiner-Davis of Divorce Busting. She makes a very compelling case that you can change your marriage by yourself.
Early in our separation I learned some facts that were tough to accept, but once I started trusting God more, they became less of an impediment to my emotional and mental health.
A. Across most of the United States no-fault divorce is the law, which means that if a partner wants out of a marriage – sooner or later they can get out. Depending on the state there are things that can be done to slow the process, and at times you can even request or require counseling or mediation.
B. The general assumption in the culture is that divorce is no big deal and the culture and legal system is not marriage friendly.
C. Often in the church, even though there is a pro-marriage attitude from the pulpit, the general consensus is that there is not much that can be done to save a marriage when only one partner wants to save it, and that even though divorce is not the ideal, the best thing is to “move on with your life.”
The antidote to all of this is that “With God all things are possible”, remembering that God said “I hate divorce”, and Jesus said “Let no man put asunder what God has joined together.”
It can be a tough road to hold onto your marriage when circumstances and people around you seem hopeless, but God is the God of all hope, and my desire for this website is that people can be pointed to God and to latch onto practical resources that will bring hope as they wait for a reconciled marriage.
It appears to me that if a person is struggling and unhappy in their marriage they have three primary choices.
A. They can continue to act and respond towards their partner as they have been doing and continue to be unhappy.
B. They can seek God for His wisdom, love and peace, regardless of what their partner does, and then with His help chose to act and react to their partner in ever more loving ways.
C. They can chose to make ungodly choices and suffer the misery that brings.
It really does come down to individual choice.
I just finished reading “Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved” by Joe and Michelle Williams. These two really open up and share their lives and tell it like it is when it comes to marital reconciliation. They each have multiple marriages in their background and marital separations of their own so they speak from experience. Also included are snippets of testimonies from other crisis marriages. The number one message is “Focus on God, not on your spouse!” From my experience that is a message struggling couples need to hear. Great book if you need hope for your marriage. You can get it here.
I found this to be a great post by Gary Smalley.
Read the blog and then the blog within the blog for new hope.
Excellent post by Jerome Daley. This really applies to marriages in crisis. I wish I had grabbed hold of the concept sooner during our separation.
http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/email/newsletter/1410302051
Over the last several years I have had conversations with quite a few men early in their marriage crises. A typical scenario has often been that when the wife says she is done with the marriage and the man first contacts me he is often in shock, very emotional, and indicates that he is willing to do almost anything to save his marriage.
What has surprised me is how fast some men go from that emotional state to one of just giving up – accepting that the marriage is over, doing whatever legally has to be done to end the marriage – “to give her what she wants” – and heading on down the road. It saddens and frustrates me when the turn is relatively quick.
One of the fastest I ever saw was when I was contacted in August then by Fall the man and his wife had a separation agreement in place. By Christmas he was dating (the state he lived in required a one year waiting period for a divorce after separation), and when that waiting period ended the next Fall, the paperwork went through to end the marriage.
So often after that “giving up” stage on the man’s part, he seems to have little interest in hearing how God worked in our marriage or in researching or using any resources that might give him hope for his marriage. It is at times like these that I really don’t know what to say to inspire the man to slow down and keep trying and fighting for his marriage.
stubborn-pursuits.com 