We found these articles to be powerful and effective truths from our friends, Clint and Penny Bragg, of Inverse Ministries.
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Cord of Three Strands
The Bible mentions in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. I have often heard the analogy given in marriage sermons that marriage is like that cord – the two marriage partners and God. But just one partner dedicated to God, and God Himself, make a formidable twosome in holding a marriage together, even if the other partner wants out.
Discouragement While Hoping for Reconciliation
It is quite common during a marital separation to get very discouraging comments from friends, family, acquaintances, and, yes, even church members or leaders, about the low probability of reconciling your marriage. I found that at some point in time I had to lay all those comments aside and decide that it was my life and my marriage and I was not giving up.
So often when you read stories of great feats whether in business, on the battlefield, or in sports, a key theme of those who reached the top was the fact that people had told them they couldn’t do it, or it couldn’t be done. Somehow they found it within themselves to push past all of that and just get the job done, whatever it was.
I can’t tell you exactly how to get to that point of absolute determination when it comes to your marriage – although asking God for the strength sure helps. I can tell you that in most couples who come back from a major separation to a reconciled marriage one partner or the other got to that point of determination.
Marriage Reconciliation Testimonies
From my time of being separated I know it is so hard to keep hope for reconciliation alive but whenever I heard testimonies of reconciliation I had a fresh hope ignited in me.
One time I was out of town and went forward for prayer after a church service. A couple came up to pray with me and I learned they had been in a deeply troubled marriage at one time but reconciled.
Another time I was at a men’s prayer breakfast at a church out of town. When I shared as a prayer concern my separation two men came to me and spent a lot of the day sharing their stories of reconciliation.
As I have mentioned before Divorce Care has both the Divorce Care program and the Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce DVD series that have strong testimonies of reconciliation.
At Rejoice Ministries they have testimonies here http://rejoiceministries.org/testimonies.php and if you subscribe to their daily email Charlyne Cares each Saturday is dedicated to testimonies.
Something I have done just today is to search with Google and at YouTube for words like marriage reconciliation, marriage reconciliation testimonies, etc. Other terms such as restored marriages would probably be helpful also. What is amazing is that those searches found people and ministries that I know. (Disclaimer: Yes, you need to be discerning anytime you search on the web. Even seemingly innocent words can pull up whacky stuff.)
No Change in Separated Spouse’s Attitude Towards Reconciliation
One thing that can be very discouraging as the spouse who wants reconciliation is to get continual messages from their spouse that they have no desire to reconcile. For a quite awhile during our separation that was my situation. Sharon made it clear that she did not want to reconcile. Eventually several things helped.
I became more and more convinced that what the Apostle Paul said about love never failing was true. If I continued to do the loving thing, eventually something good would happen.
I kept looking for more testimonies of hope and I kept finding them, both in person and on the web, in Divorce Care, and many other places. Each testimony of a reconciled marriage gave me new hope for my own. In the book of Revelation 12:11 the Apostle John says, “They overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony…” There truly is something encouraging about testimonies. The more I focused on God the more peace I had.
If you are in such a situation keep seeking help and hope because Jesus says in Matthew 7:8 that “… he who seeks, finds…”. I found that to be true.
Killer Marriage Tips (Humorous)
Just in case you think I am serious all of the time about marriages in crises. Try these ideas at home. Maybe I will have even more people to help – especially men. http://www.ignitermedia.com/products/iv/singles/1440/Killer-Marriage-Tips
Simple Valentine’s Day
On Valentine’s Day in the small town of Cheboygan, Michigan, I stopped in the local coffee shop to get something to eat, pick up a coffee for my wife and use their internet service. The shop was so small it was impossible not to overhear conversations.
There was a man and wife there probably in their 30’s. I heard them say that they had left the kids with someone and that their Valentine’s date was breakfast out.
There was another man and wife there. I overheard her say she was 67 and they had been married eight years. They just seemed to be enjoying each other.
I thought about how it is possible to enjoy one another and just have a simple Valentine’s celebration. It’s being together and enjoying the day. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated.
Never Give Up
If you are separated, if your marriage seems hopeless, the best encouragement I can give you is “never give up.” Even though Sharon at one time wanted out of our marriage, she is thankful that I didn’t give up.
As I listen to stories of marriages that have reconciled one of the common themes is that one partner or the other dug their heels in and decided not to give up in spite of very discouraging circumstances.
Multiple Marriages/Attraction of Marriage
I was just looking on the web at some “Where are they now?” pictures and posts about a few famous actors and actresses. Many are on their third and fourth marriages. What is amazing to me is that they even keep trying when they are in an industry that openly promotes sex before marriage, adultery during marriage, gay sex, etc. I don’t know the religious background of these people or much about their individual stories of failed marriages, but I do ponder why they keep trying.
The closest thing I can come up with is that deep in the human heart God has planted a desire for a life-long commitment – and that in spite of the cultural message, in spite of personal failure in prior attempts at marriage – there is still this hope there is such a thing as love that will remain the rest of our lives and that it is something worth trying for again.
Stories like this also give me hope that in spite of the cultural pressure against marriage, in the long run it will endure.
Loving Your Wife Like Christ Loved The Church
In Ephesians 5:25-33 Paul tells us: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
One thing to ponder is how to love your wife like Paul says when you are separated. If God tells us to do something He makes a way for us to do it. So what way is He making for you during this time to love your wife even though separated?
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